The Balance of Why?

I was able to spend the holiday weekend out at a Cabin that was rented by my boyfriend (?) and a married couple he is friends with.  It was absolutely beautiful.

The whole time I was there all I could think about was how it would have made for such a wonderful burn weekend if my crew were there.

It made me quite sad, and I felt quite alone at times.

I have been feeling very . . . isolated?  Lately.  I don’t interact much with my old crew due to the fact that it seems that everyone has moved on to other things.  I’ve bitched about all this before.  No need to keep re-hashing it I suppose.

Yet I am really craving a connection.  To anything.  To anyone. And I am often left disappointed with some of the interactions I have been having with people outside of Flow Family.  I don’t hold it against anyone, or look down on them, because I know it’s all on my end. (I.e. my expectations and wants)  However, and when I say this I don’t mean it to be a snob, but most people are only on the “surface”.  It’s hard to find like minded individuals, especially ones where the conversation flows freely and openly.

Maybe it’s me?  (I wouldn’t doubt it.)

I hate small talk.  I don’t want to talk about the obvious . . . unless it’s humorous.

I want to get right to the core of people.  Why they do the things they do, see the world as they see it, feel whatever it is they are feeling.

I am interested in the “Why’s”

I don’t think most people are open or even in tune with all the variation and variables that life has to offer.  The possibilities.  The constant changing of colors in a world that most people view as only black and white.  Or are afraid to step outside the box.  To view and see the world without judgment.

I need more free thinkers to indulge in.


Anywho, I got in some hoop time. . Wanted to test out my limits due to my foot still healing.  I didn’t want to push much.  I need to work on balance.  Heh.  That could be applied to all aspects of my life.

Balance.  I’ve been needing that this whole fucking year.


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