Burning Man Ditching Blues.

I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while now, but If I am to align my root, then I need to address it, and be done with it. 

I’ve mentioned it here and there to a few people, but I need to vomit it all out, so that I may move forward.

Burning Man.

To get a better understanding of what it is, you can watch the video above.

I never knew what Burning Man was until I got into hooping. As soon as it was described to me by friends who had gone before (and continuously go.) I knew It was something that I needed to experience. It became the number one thing to do on my bucket list.

However Burning Man is muy muy expensive. Tickets to just get in can run anywhere from $320 and up (depending on what tier you’re able to snag them at, if you’re able to get one at all.) Then you have to figure in the expense of just getting out to Black Rock. On top of that you also have to figure in a fee if you’re staying with a theme camp (which is usually best to do, seeing as they pool together to provide some “amenities”) and lastly, you figure in food, water, camping materials, costuming, etc etc. . . anyways, financially it’s a big investment, which could run you anywhere starting from $1500 and up.

(and if there is anyone who can do it for less, please let me know.)

It’s a year-long preparation thing if you ask me.

Some of you reading this might be thinking it’s just a bunch of hippies/ravers/punks/wackos/drug addicts/geeks/hipsters running around the desert naked doing drugs and having orgies.  But oh no, it is SO much more than that.   It’s about shedding the shells we have created around ourselves.  It’s about opening up to new experiences.  It’s about expressing ourselves in  non judgemental environment.  It’s about connecting with like-minded souls.. . . and ok, it’s also about running around naked in the desert doing drugs and having orgies.  But it’s totally up to the attendee to make it what they want it.  If that’s your MO, toot sweet.  Can’t say it would be mine.

And let’s not forget about the burning of shit.  So much burning.   I mean they burn a 40ft tall man for pete’s sake!   (if not taller.)

But all this is neither here nor there. Obviously, I am not going because it’s like what? A few days away, and I am sitting in Ohio still.

That was alright with me. I had made peace with it, until I found out that one of my bestest friends. . . was going. (and is actually on his way there as I type this.)

Now. This shouldn’t be that big of a deal. I mean, awesome for him. Yet, there is this part of me that is finding it so incredibly hard to just. . be at peace with this and be totally happy for him.

I feel sort of left behind on this one. Him and I had talked about going together for YEARS and for him to go without me, well it stings damn it! Like part of me can’t believe he’s out there experiencing this without me. (We tend to do a lot of excursions together. Or we did.)

He was able to get out there as a somewhat “free” ride.  A friend of ours who goes every year, applied and received an art grant, with which they built some fire poofer thing, and part of that is what is also funding my friend to get out there and to get into BM.

Now, selfish me feels like if it weren’t for me, he too would have never known of this event. After all it was I who found the local jammers and burners and pushed him to go with me, so I wouldn’t be alone and feel like such a dork and out of place.
The other part of me on the other hand, really wants to be excited and happy for him that he is able to partake and experience what could be a one in a lifetime experience.

Selfish me is winning.  I don’t want selfish me to win.  I want selfish me to just shut up about it and stop being a brat.  (Even though he did say he was going to do everything in his power to see that I go this year with them.  Psssssh.  Yeah.  That happened.  Thanks pal.)

So there you go. Blaah barf and blech. It’s out. Don’t judge. I’m not perfect, and I am a taurus. . whom are capable of the most intense jealousy you have ever seen. . . not that I am normally a very jealous person, and jealous isn’t even the correct term i want to use. I am ENVIOUS.  (There is a difference.)

Next year though, it’s on. I will be the one to be running around the playa. maybe naked. . . highly unlikely, cause who wants to see that?  But on the playa I shall be.

2013. It’s on.

probably my fav Burning Man spoof ever!

180

I think the universe must be feeling pretty bad about shitting on me for the last ohh, what?  8 months?  For now, it seems everything is turning itself around.

*knocks on wood*

I saw my second opinion guy yesterday and did one more CT urogram, which showed nothing in my kidney.  My cytology report came back, and that also showed nothing.  No atypical cells, no cancerous cells.  Nothing.

So after all the rigamaroo, his final diagnosis was, They don’t know what the hell was going on, or why, but everything looks good NOW, and that’s that.

If symptoms come back, then to call him immediately.

Other than that, at this junture, the whole saga with my kidney is done and over with.  I’ll go back in 3 months for a follow up.

So good news for that.

It is so odd though, everything that surrounded it. Bleeding for almost 5-6 months straight, the other Dr seeing some shit up in there. . . talk of having to have to remove it.  I seriously feel that there was probably a poltergeist in my kidney, pulling small blonde haired children in through the Tv and possessing evil clown dolls.

Image

(Side note, Carol Ann was NOT pulled in though the TV. . . but actually the closet of her bedroom.  The TV just acted as a transmitter between dimensions.  I just want to be clear about this.  In case anyone tries to call me out on this shit.  I know my Poltergeist.)

Another happening, is that my old job called me and asked me to come back.  You know, the ones who just let me go about what?  a week or two ago?  (I am so HORRIBLE with time.)

Seems the new people who came in and bought the business are phasing out the fabric end of the old company and need someone who knows their shit on the drapery hardware end.  (that would be me.)

Funny.  I was let go and told that they had wanted people in their customer service dept that were both knowlegable in both the fabric AND drapery hardware end of things. . . if they were planning on focusing on just the hardware, then why didn’t they just have me stay?

I should point out that the two girls they did let stay, are leaving.  So that is why they are probably scrambling to get me back in.

Dickwads.

I was told that I would get more $$, some vacation and sick days and that I would be eligible for immediate health insurance.

So I am “thinking” about it.  “Thinking” because I want to make sure this is truly the right thing to do.  I often act impulsivley.  I mean, right now it’s about 99% that I will go back.  But you know.  Whatever.

So there you have it.  Health on the up and up, and Job, on the uhh, umm. . i dunno. . . Job is there. 

So I feel pretty good about things as of now.  I got a plan.  I haven’t had a “plan” in, umm, i don’t think ever.  I’ll more than likely go back to work, in spring register for school and start working towards my degree in Child Life.  Cause it’s time.  You know?

And in the mean time, I will contiue to work on my root.  I’m riding my bike more.  I plan on starting up yoga.  I want to pick up my poi and hoop more.  More Plays.  I am also entertaining learning to tap dance. . . cause I’ve always wanted to. 

Let’s just have FAITH (not hope, for hope is sooooo fickle) that this momentum willl keep on going

Root

Over the weekend I got together with some girlfriends of mine, and we all took Chakra quizzes. It was very interesting.

I know what chakras are, I’m just not that detail oriented about them. Hence forth, I can tell you the colors and the generalized areas they are located, but that’s about it.

I feel for you Chakra Khan

My group of gals are very much into aligning their chakras and so forth. They have all been getting into yoga pretty heavily, which I would like to do too. I don’t know what I am waiting for to be quite honest, I’ve only been talking about starting up yoga since beginning of summer.

Anyways, the quiz asked a series of somewhat very generalized questions, that at times seemed a bit contradictory, or pretty much hit or miss. Then each answer was assigned a numerical value, and at the end you tallied up your total for each chakra and which ever one was the highest, was the one that needed the most attention.

My scores were all over the place. No real consistency,but the one area that had the highest rating was my root chakra. (followed by my navel.)

I went and pulled this info from this website on the Root Chakra

http://www.algonet.se/~anki-p/Rootchakra.html

 

The center of physical energy and vitality, the energy to succeed in business or material possessions. Center of manifestations.
The Base or Root Chakra located at the very bottom of the spine, the Root Chakra governs issues around physical self-preservation. These issues include survival, security and safety, as well as primal erotic and procreational urges.

This chakra is the grounding force that allows us to connect to the earth energies and empower our being.

Every other chakra is downstream of it and only receives the energy that the root chakra can pass through to it. The path to health and mystical power goes right through the gender organs.To understand your root chakra, you must come to a place of peace with your sexual energy.

Throughout the ancient world in historical and mythological stories, the root chakra has been associated with dragons and snakes. Dragons is a symbol for the kundalini fire energy .

Root Chakra
Location: At the tailbone
Color: Red / Black
Tone: E
Note: C
Element: Earth
Sense: Smell
Balanced energy:
Centered, grounded, healthy, fully alive, unlimited physical energy, can manifest abundance. Takes good care of the body. People who have open root chakras love their lives – love their physical incarnation in their present bodies.

Excessive energy:
Egoistic, domineering, greedy, sadistic, sexual energy entirely genital. Judgment and biased opinions.

Deficient energy:
Lack of confidence weak, can’t achieve goals, suicidal, sexual energy, feel unlovable, little interest in sex, masochistic.Fear and insecurity. Blockage in this energy center of the body can result in a core sense of unworthiness and self-doubt and shame.Thought forms such as “I don’t deserve love,” “I’m ashamed of who I am,” and “I’m always misunderstood,” are common in people with a blocked Root Chakra. They try to compensate for these feelings by acquiring, keeping and controlling material possessions, by becoming addicted to material things.

The ultimate root chakra failure is suicide

Illness:
Drug addictions, anemia, cancer, arthritis, heart disease, gynecological problems, Aids, herpes, candida. Decreased immune system. Lower back pain. Constipation. Physical problems with the coccyx, anus and genitals are associated with the First Chakra.

Glands/organs:
Adrenals, kidneys, spinal column, colon, legs, bones.

Gems/Minerals:
Ruby, garnet, bloodstone, red jasper, black tourmaline, obsidian, smoky quartz.

Scents:
Patchouli, cedar wood, lavender, musk, hyacinth, cinnamon and sandalwood.

How can you balance this chakra?
Dancing is very good for grounding. In the summer, go barefoot. House cleaning and cooking is also grounding. Hug a tree, take care of your plants.
Focusing on the color red can help bring your energetic body “down to earth” and in alignment with your physical body. Opening this Chakra by using colors, scents and crystals .

Positive affirmations for this chakra
– I know who I am and make choices based on what I know to be right for me.
– I am supported in life through all my choices to do good and share the light of love.

– My body supports me in living a creative and happy life.

– I am open to the spirit of life, which carries me beyond my original limits to a higher, more creative space.

– I am thankful for all the opportunities for growth and development that have come my way.

– I am grateful for the challenges that have taught me who I truly am.

– I love life.

Pretty interesting eh?  Did you see how the kidneys are associated with this chakra?  And anemia?  And legs and bones??? 

It’s not just the whole physical aspect of this chakra that resonates with me, but also the feels that come along with it, cause it’s pretty much how I have been feeling.  I’ve gone through a pretty rough year so far, and not to be all boo hoo, poor me about it, these events have really shaken me to the core of my being, leaving me with so many questions as to am I a truly good person?  Do I act selfishly more than not?  I’m not so sure these days.

Plus the fact that I seem to keep repeating a certain cycle with someone also has me questioning what the hell is my problem.  It’s like I am holding out for hope that they will become what I need them to be. .. and rather foolishly, because no matter how  hard I try to be the mirror. .. It just leaves me bitter that I am not getting back what I feel I am putting out.  Is it wrong to hope and inspire people to be their best?  Or is it a selfish want for someone to change into something they are not capable of?  (which leads me into a loop of, well who doesn’t want to be the very best of themselves?  which leads to maybe they already feel that they are and who am I to say they are not?)

Anyways, I think i am getting off point. 

And lastly, yes, my whole sex life has taken a major nose dive. . .and it really is quite sad for me and of course leads me down a path of not worthy and being unattractive and blah blah blah.

I can say this though, for this chakra, is that my need for “acquiring” is def at it’s minimal.  I’m a Taurus, and we already have a materialistic side, which I can say I’ve got pretty much under control.  That and lack of money.  That usually helps in not being overly indulgent with splurges and so forth.

So there it is.  The “Root” of my energy blockage.  Ha!  I made a funny.

Anyways, I took a good poop,  had a good helping of greens last night and plan on going for a bike ride as soon as I get off this machine.

Unclogging the root.  I can dig it.

http://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/chakratest.php

Paranormal Kidney Flow.

I went and saw my origional Urologist today.  My cytology report came back negative, so there are no indications of any atypical cells.  Yay!  So cancer is defintely ruled out.

He still is not sure what it was that he saw up there and feels that it might be best to wait a bit and do another probe maybe 6-12 weeks down the line to see if whatever it was that he saw, has gone away, or perhaps gotten bigger, grown some hair, put on a new shirt. . whatever.

My second opinion  Dr also called today saying that he wants to do his own CT urogram and go up and probe my kidney himself.

So what to do?

I definitely feel that I want another probe done.  And like soon.  I NEED to know if there is something up there or not.  If the 1st Uro said he saw something, even though all these tests come back negative, maybe it would be good to have someone else go and have a look to confirm. 

I just had a thought……what if my Kidney is really paranormal, and is just being haunted by the ghost of a tumor?  That’d be weird.  Is there a show for that?  Paranormal Body Parts! on the Discovery channel or some shit?  If not I think I am on to something.  Let me write up a treatment for this.  (That’s Hollywood talk for a short synopsis of a show/movie.  I’m down with the lingo.)

Maybe I should get a medium who can talk with the spirit of the tumor and tell it that it needs to go towards the light, where all it’s tumor friends and family are waiting for it. 

I should probably smudge myself just in case.

What was I talking about??

Oh yeah, so I am now waiting for second opinion guy’s office to call and make me an appt to go and see him.

Soooooo I think that is the route I will go.  Another probe.  And smudging.  Cause you can never be too cautious.

On another note, I debated a bit about going to jam tonight or not.  With the whole being unemployed thing, I decided best to conserve my gas and stay home.  So that is what i did.  And I made this video of me warming back up to the hoop.  With the whole kidney debacle, I don’t think I picked my hoop up for more than 5 mins.  Sure sure this video is only what?  Three and some change?  But I promise you I was hooping for about an hour tonight. 

So it’s a start.  Oh and I ordered new poi and crystal cases for my flowlights.  Cause you know, I get impulsive.  Annnnnd I reasoned that since I saved money on gas tonight, I could put it towards new poi. . . which really doesn’t make for much logic.  Cause at some point I will need the money I spent on poi for gas.  And cars really don’t run on LED’s.   Though they should.

Laid Off

I’ve been putting off talking about my whole job situation for quite some time. 

Guess now is the time to delve into it.  The whole purpose of this blog is to help with my “flow”, my state of being and outlook on life if you will, and with recent events circling around this area of life, it has MAJORALLY affected my “Flow”.

(While we are on it, this whole year has done nothing but fuck with my “flow”.  Suck a bag of dicks 2012.)

(oh and this keyboard I am on, sucks dicks as well.  What’s up space bar?)

Annnnnywaaays….

I worked in Childcare for many many many years.  I loved it.  I did before and after school programs, and was mostly the art “instructor” for various programs.  I was never an artsy person, creatively, however, when I fell into this roll I really blossomed.

But all that is neither here nor there.  In working with in school districts there comes with it a lot of “politics’ and unfortunately the role of playing it safe rather than addressing issues were more important.  It got to the point where I just had to get out. (All of which I am sure will make for another blog)

After being dicked over quite substantially for the final year of my time working for a particular organization, I decided it was time for me to get out and get a “real job.  One that actually was a 9-5, m-f with benefits and that actually paid more than minimum wage.  A “Grown up” gig.

Thus my time began at a local fabric company.  I was sad to leave behind coloring, dodge ball and paper plate crafts.  (I’ve got a ton of them.  If you ever need ideas for paper plate crafts, I’m your gal.)  Not to mention the kids I’ve watched grow up into amazing beings over the years.  (And the not so amazing ones.  Well, that’s not fair. . But I guess you can’t have the glitter without the shit.  I think that was Socrates who said that. 😛 )

Anywho, I spent the last six years working for a Fabric Wholesaler that sold only to the trade as their drapery hardware person.   I can tell you all about traversing rods and bracket projections.  Let me just stress this…I was NOT AN INSTALLER.

Now to the trade meant a lot of dealings with interior decorators, upholsters, drapery installers and the like.  Let me just say that the home interior trade is full of fucking idiots. Seriously.  It baffles me how Interior Decorators go to school, like actually HAVE DEGREES, and they still would ask me questions such as:

What color is clear?

How long is a six foot rod?

What’s the difference between 1-3/8″and 1″?

Why can’t I use a WOOD STAIN on a metal rod?

Why aren’t my screws that will mount the brackets into the wall, not the same color as the rest of my hardware?

It was while working with such a breed that I discovered how much stupidity, is really one of my biggest pet peeves.  But we had mute buttons on the phones, which I used quite often to blurt out an expletive or two . . . or three . . . or four . . . or a whole rant.

However I was very content with this job.  Sure, I dealt with asshole people . . . my boss was at most times an asshole, but I worked with great people and could sit around on the computer all day.  (Incognito that is.) 

Not only that, but I was making decent money, I was able to support myself and my cat…I finally for once in my life has health insurance (shitty as it was). .. I felt grown up.

Over the years, we noticed a decline in business.  Where it was once 30 hardware orders a day, dwindled down to about 20… . Then 15. . .then 8.  Then we saw that we were on credit hold with a bunch of the mills, so people weren’t getting their orders in a timely fashion.  Customers who placed orders Nov of last year, were still waiting for goods that were promised with a 4-6 week lead time.  Then we were placed on hold with the Hardware Companies, which were pretty much the bread and butter of the company.  Customers who had terms were then asked to pay for orders up front.  A lot of unhappy Interior decorators would call day after day to complain and yell about why it was taking so long to get their goods.  We in Customer Service couldn’t say it was because we were having financial problems, so it was lie after lie after lie.  There were so many times too, that we would get caught in the lies.

It was just not good.

There were two attempts to see the company to interested parties, but both deals fell through.  One of which would have secured my job.

A third company came to the rescue and bought us out.  However, they weren’t keeping anyone around permentaly.  It was rumored though, that customer service would be kept around the longest to help with the transition.  So we thought we at least had a little more time.  6 months more.

Considering all that this year has been throwing at me, I was hoping that I could at least buy more time.  I KNEW it would be imminent at some point, but I was really hoping to catch my breath before having to deal with yet another hole in the road.

It was not meant to be.  I was let go last Thursday, citing that the new company coming in wanted only 3 CS people (there were 4 of us) and wanted them to be knowledgeable in both fabric and the hardware. (Which I am.  The other two girls, not so knowledgeable in the hardware end.) So it doesn’t make sense.

When all is said and done, I seriously think all the shit with my kidney had a play in them not wanting to keep me around. 

I KNEW it was coming.  Just didn’t expect it to come when it did. 

It’s a huge blow.  The fact that that I have dealt with so much this year already, I feel like it’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.  I am super depressed.

I know it could be worse.  I could not have my legs or could be homeless (which who knows, that could happen if I don’t get a job soon.) and I am trying my hardest to not sound too much of a whiney asshole. 

It just sucks,

I don’t know what to do with myself.  I’ve got all kinds of feels happening.  Everything from my ex-husband’s death to this whole kidney bullshit is just surfacing, and I find myself wanting to curl up into a ball and just sleep it all away.

Blaaaah.  anywho, this blog is boring, But there it is. 

The end.

Obtaining Medical records, peeing in a cup and driving around Parma, does not make for one great adventure.

That’s the absolute truth.

So with my earlier than early ass Dr’ appt with second opinion guy, it was mentioned to me that if I had ANY films or reports to bring with me, the better the consultation could go.

Upon hearing this from his scheduling nurse, I got right to work.  I called up my initial urologist’s office and explained the situation to his Office manage.

(If you read this next part with hand puppets it might be more amusing.)

Me- “I am going for a second opinion tomorrow and they advised that I bring with me any films and reports of any tests that I have done so far.”

Her- “That shouldn’t be a problem.  All I need you to do is to sign a consent to release form and we can get those to you.  We’re here till five.”

Me- ” That will be a problem for me, seeing that I work till five and it would take me 45 mins to get to where you are.”

Her -” Oh my, yes that won’t work.  Well do you have a fax number?  I can fax you the consent form, and then if you want to give me the new Dr’s fax number I can fax the reports directly to him.”

Me- “Bitchin.  That would work out awesome!  But I would still need any films. I had two scans done at your office and 2 done at the Hospital.”

Her- “Well, I can get them ready for you, and then I believe Billing will be here till 6, so I can just leave them for you to pick up.”

Me- “super awesome! Thanks!”

The end! 

(and then I kicked her in the teeth and found $5.  Ok not really.  But if you end stories that way it’s much more exciting.  Also, I did not say Bitchin and super awesome.  I was very polite and sounded like a semi normal person..)

5 minutes later, the consent to release form comes over on my work fax, I fax it back and am feeling like everything is good to go.  20 minutes later I get a call from some chick telling me that I need to pick up my films of my IVP test and Angio CT scan over at the hospital, which I tell her yes I already know.

Now, I am thinking, that when i drive out to the DR’s office, they are going to have my films for the Ultrasound they did, and most recently, the CT urogram, which I think is probably a good bit of info to have.  After all it’s the latest of all the tests done.

I drive out there, go up to the second floor where the Dr’s office is, and NO ONE is around.  It’s a freaking ghost town. 

I manage to flag some lady down, who looked like she was just about to head out the doors to go home.  (The look she gave me suggested as such.  You know the one, when someone comes to you at the last minute and you just want to get the fuck out of work, but instead you gotta deal with their bullshit and then stab them in the face repeatedly for holding you up from leaving on time?  Of course the stabbing only takes place in your head.  But you know.)

So I explain my situation to her and she goes about the office looking for whatever it was that this office manager was suppose to put aside for me.

She doesn’t find it.

She then calls Office manager girl to ask her where the shit is.

The Office manager informs her i need to go to the hospital to pick up the IVP and Angio Cat scan films.

I say that is all great and dandy, and that I know, however, what about the CT urogram and ultrasound that i had done there in their office??

They know nothing about this.

How they could not, is beyond me.  One, it was done in their building.  By their people. Two, the results should have been in my file that the OM (Office Manager) should have seen when she was faxing it over to the other doctor.

Now I am pissed.  I’m pissed, because I really wanted that CT Urogram.  They apologize half heatedly, only because they don’t really care at that moment that they totally inconvenience me for having to come all the way out there for nothing.  In fact I am sure they were thinking in their heads that this is karma coming back at me for keeping them from leaving work on time, and having to stay behind an extra 15 minutes. They proceed to tell me that Radiology is gone for the day, so there is no way they can get THOSE films.  I should come back tomorrow.  I tell them I would if I didn’t have to go see this other guy at 7 in the fucking morning and didn’t NEED the films that were done at that office.

I walk out annoyed beyond all belief.  (and I’m sure to some rolling of the eyes from I just wanna get out of work lady for just turning around and walking out and not saying another word.)

Not only did someone drop the ball somewhere, but I wasted my gas and time to get out there. 

However, I had to get to the hospital to pick up the other films and to drop off another urine specimen for the cytology testing my old Uro wanted to have done.

It should have been pretty cut and dry.  Pee in the cup, go upstairs, grab my films and go home.

I mean, it’s not rocket science. . . peeing in a cup.  In and out.  15 mins top.

(then again, it could be rocket science if I were peeing on an actual rocket. . .and I don’t mean like on the side of it.  More like inside the actual bathroom IN the rocket, IN space floating around with no gravity.   That toilet IS science.  Otherwise there would be pee droplets floating around.  Think about that.)

I had been preparing for this since I left work.  I was ready to go. I had two vitamin waters anxiously awaiting to make their exit from my body.

Yet when I got to the hospital to tell them I was there to piss in a cup, I then had to go through insurance bullshit. 

“Are you in the system??”

(really?  cause I’ve been in here like every other week.)

“Are you on a payment plan???”

(no.)

“Oh, well you have a really big bill coming to you.”

(fuck that bill.  I’ll just throw it away.”)

“Becky which printer is this suppose to print to??”

(again, hand puppets would be more entertaining at this part as well.)

Ten minutes of bull crap of them trying to  figure out which printer my paperwork was going to print out of.

Who knew peeing a cup was so much dang work, and involved so much dang paper work. Normally, the only paper I worry about when I pee is the toilet paper, and how I hope there is some in the bathroom.

Finally Pee in a cup I did. Then I ran upstairs and grabbed my films from the tests done at the hospital.  The only easy part of the evening.  Thank you Parma Radiology for making it easy.  You get the gold star for the evening.  And that’s not saying much.

By the time all was said and done, I was aggravated. All I had wanted to do that night was to go on some sort of adventure.  Whether it was a walk somewhere or a quick bike ride. I have been feeling cooped up as of late, and need to bust out!  

I decided I wanted a cheeseburger and a drink.  So that’s what I did.  

It takes so little to make all right in the world with me.  I didn’t go for a walk, but I did sit outside for a bit, and that was ok with me.  I sat outside and ate a cheeseburger.  And it was tasty.  I went to sleep feeling that the day was somewhat salvaged by beef and cheese on a bun.

Moving on to this morning I went for my second opinion with 2nd opinion dr.  He works out of the Cleveland Clinic.  He seems alright.  Again, I was not prepared, as I forgot the picture of the “tumors” the other Dr found in my kidney, and had to pull the picture up from this blog.

(His resident was amused with my comments of the picture.  Him not so much. I think it’s because second Opinion Dr might have something against Billy Dee Williams.  Jealousy perhaps, because let’s face it, you don’t get much smoother than BDW!)

Image

Image

(smoooooooth)

Basically what he said was that he wants HIS pathologist to have a look at the slides of my biopsy to make his own interpretation on whether or not they feel that this “mass” is a potential threat or what.

If his pathologist agrees with the amended report, then we just watch for a bit and go for check ups here and there.  If the pathologist feels its a grey area, or that these “atypical cells” warrant some concern, then I go for another kidney probe.

And that’s that.  For now.  Tomorrow I have to hound old Uro’s people to send my slides over to new guy’s and wait it out. 

The end.  (and then I punched some guy in the teeth and found five dollars.)

More Kidney Yadda Yadda.

I have an extremely early appointment tomorrow with a new kidney surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic.

My mom, not feeling all that settled with the latest diagnosis and dismissal of my kidney ailments, talked to one of her customers who just so happened to be a Urologist.

She asked him to look over my reports and to give his 2 cents.

He felt that my current Dr, though a nice man and good at what he does, may be in over his head in regards to my case.  He felt that you couldn’t go back and “amend” a report on something you didn’t feel too sure about in the 1st place and rule OUT the possibility of . . . well, whatever.  (cancer, tumor, alien baby)

He also said that if there is a tumor there, you can’t just leave it “alone” so to speak, with out knowing EXACTLY what it is.  So he advised my mom to make an appointment with a kidney surgeon at the clinic and get a second opinion.

So that is what I will be doing.  At 7:05 in the morning.  Cause I am a masochist and love dragging my ass out of bed at the asscrack of dawn.

(I had to go with the soonest available appt, and the earliest available time because of work.  I’m tired of my boss giving me dirty looks and hmmm-ing and haw-ing over my repeated absences, late arrivals and early departures.)

From what I was told, he will probably want to do an MRI and highly probably. . . another kidney probe.

I was coming to terms with this just being another anomaly, and nothing really coming about from it.

You know, kind of like stigmata, but from my kidney. Only internally bleeding, and only for a few months.

(I mean, wasn’t Jesus speared in his side?  It could have been his kidney that was stabbed. )

Image

(It’s not herpes.  It’s my stigmata acting up.)

However, my mother is not.  As are others.  They all think I should get a second opinion.  While I don’t digress, I am just tired of going through the whole process.
I kind of put my life on hold for all of this.  I dropped out of the Burlesque show, I haven’t hooped much, haven’t gotten on my bike or auditioned for any new shows coming up.  It was like i felt I couldn’t really “plan” anything because I didn’t know what the situation with my dumb kidney was.  I couldn’t say yes to a weekend of camping, because I might’ve had to of had that surgery.  I didn’t want to get a part in a show only to have to drop out a week before opening.

I hate putting my life on hold for crap.  Never put your life on hold for ANYTHING.  Even kidneys.   And especially Boys.  If there is anything that you ever take away from my ramblings let it be that.  (oh and NEVER go to bed with out washing make up off your face.  I don’t care what time you roll in.  Young girls, you will thank me for that one.)

Whatever.  I am not going to get caught up in it this time.   I actually feel fine.  I mean, I feel a bit more peppier.  I’m not bleeding.  I can’t say I don’t get pangs in my side, soooo, I’m not sure if that’s just remnants of having a probe up in there, or if it actually is the tumor. . if it is a tumor and not inflammation.

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