Obtaining Medical records, peeing in a cup and driving around Parma, does not make for one great adventure.

That’s the absolute truth.

So with my earlier than early ass Dr’ appt with second opinion guy, it was mentioned to me that if I had ANY films or reports to bring with me, the better the consultation could go.

Upon hearing this from his scheduling nurse, I got right to work.  I called up my initial urologist’s office and explained the situation to his Office manage.

(If you read this next part with hand puppets it might be more amusing.)

Me- “I am going for a second opinion tomorrow and they advised that I bring with me any films and reports of any tests that I have done so far.”

Her- “That shouldn’t be a problem.  All I need you to do is to sign a consent to release form and we can get those to you.  We’re here till five.”

Me- ” That will be a problem for me, seeing that I work till five and it would take me 45 mins to get to where you are.”

Her -” Oh my, yes that won’t work.  Well do you have a fax number?  I can fax you the consent form, and then if you want to give me the new Dr’s fax number I can fax the reports directly to him.”

Me- “Bitchin.  That would work out awesome!  But I would still need any films. I had two scans done at your office and 2 done at the Hospital.”

Her- “Well, I can get them ready for you, and then I believe Billing will be here till 6, so I can just leave them for you to pick up.”

Me- “super awesome! Thanks!”

The end! 

(and then I kicked her in the teeth and found $5.  Ok not really.  But if you end stories that way it’s much more exciting.  Also, I did not say Bitchin and super awesome.  I was very polite and sounded like a semi normal person..)

5 minutes later, the consent to release form comes over on my work fax, I fax it back and am feeling like everything is good to go.  20 minutes later I get a call from some chick telling me that I need to pick up my films of my IVP test and Angio CT scan over at the hospital, which I tell her yes I already know.

Now, I am thinking, that when i drive out to the DR’s office, they are going to have my films for the Ultrasound they did, and most recently, the CT urogram, which I think is probably a good bit of info to have.  After all it’s the latest of all the tests done.

I drive out there, go up to the second floor where the Dr’s office is, and NO ONE is around.  It’s a freaking ghost town. 

I manage to flag some lady down, who looked like she was just about to head out the doors to go home.  (The look she gave me suggested as such.  You know the one, when someone comes to you at the last minute and you just want to get the fuck out of work, but instead you gotta deal with their bullshit and then stab them in the face repeatedly for holding you up from leaving on time?  Of course the stabbing only takes place in your head.  But you know.)

So I explain my situation to her and she goes about the office looking for whatever it was that this office manager was suppose to put aside for me.

She doesn’t find it.

She then calls Office manager girl to ask her where the shit is.

The Office manager informs her i need to go to the hospital to pick up the IVP and Angio Cat scan films.

I say that is all great and dandy, and that I know, however, what about the CT urogram and ultrasound that i had done there in their office??

They know nothing about this.

How they could not, is beyond me.  One, it was done in their building.  By their people. Two, the results should have been in my file that the OM (Office Manager) should have seen when she was faxing it over to the other doctor.

Now I am pissed.  I’m pissed, because I really wanted that CT Urogram.  They apologize half heatedly, only because they don’t really care at that moment that they totally inconvenience me for having to come all the way out there for nothing.  In fact I am sure they were thinking in their heads that this is karma coming back at me for keeping them from leaving work on time, and having to stay behind an extra 15 minutes. They proceed to tell me that Radiology is gone for the day, so there is no way they can get THOSE films.  I should come back tomorrow.  I tell them I would if I didn’t have to go see this other guy at 7 in the fucking morning and didn’t NEED the films that were done at that office.

I walk out annoyed beyond all belief.  (and I’m sure to some rolling of the eyes from I just wanna get out of work lady for just turning around and walking out and not saying another word.)

Not only did someone drop the ball somewhere, but I wasted my gas and time to get out there. 

However, I had to get to the hospital to pick up the other films and to drop off another urine specimen for the cytology testing my old Uro wanted to have done.

It should have been pretty cut and dry.  Pee in the cup, go upstairs, grab my films and go home.

I mean, it’s not rocket science. . . peeing in a cup.  In and out.  15 mins top.

(then again, it could be rocket science if I were peeing on an actual rocket. . .and I don’t mean like on the side of it.  More like inside the actual bathroom IN the rocket, IN space floating around with no gravity.   That toilet IS science.  Otherwise there would be pee droplets floating around.  Think about that.)

I had been preparing for this since I left work.  I was ready to go. I had two vitamin waters anxiously awaiting to make their exit from my body.

Yet when I got to the hospital to tell them I was there to piss in a cup, I then had to go through insurance bullshit. 

“Are you in the system??”

(really?  cause I’ve been in here like every other week.)

“Are you on a payment plan???”


“Oh, well you have a really big bill coming to you.”

(fuck that bill.  I’ll just throw it away.”)

“Becky which printer is this suppose to print to??”

(again, hand puppets would be more entertaining at this part as well.)

Ten minutes of bull crap of them trying to  figure out which printer my paperwork was going to print out of.

Who knew peeing a cup was so much dang work, and involved so much dang paper work. Normally, the only paper I worry about when I pee is the toilet paper, and how I hope there is some in the bathroom.

Finally Pee in a cup I did. Then I ran upstairs and grabbed my films from the tests done at the hospital.  The only easy part of the evening.  Thank you Parma Radiology for making it easy.  You get the gold star for the evening.  And that’s not saying much.

By the time all was said and done, I was aggravated. All I had wanted to do that night was to go on some sort of adventure.  Whether it was a walk somewhere or a quick bike ride. I have been feeling cooped up as of late, and need to bust out!  

I decided I wanted a cheeseburger and a drink.  So that’s what I did.  

It takes so little to make all right in the world with me.  I didn’t go for a walk, but I did sit outside for a bit, and that was ok with me.  I sat outside and ate a cheeseburger.  And it was tasty.  I went to sleep feeling that the day was somewhat salvaged by beef and cheese on a bun.

Moving on to this morning I went for my second opinion with 2nd opinion dr.  He works out of the Cleveland Clinic.  He seems alright.  Again, I was not prepared, as I forgot the picture of the “tumors” the other Dr found in my kidney, and had to pull the picture up from this blog.

(His resident was amused with my comments of the picture.  Him not so much. I think it’s because second Opinion Dr might have something against Billy Dee Williams.  Jealousy perhaps, because let’s face it, you don’t get much smoother than BDW!)




Basically what he said was that he wants HIS pathologist to have a look at the slides of my biopsy to make his own interpretation on whether or not they feel that this “mass” is a potential threat or what.

If his pathologist agrees with the amended report, then we just watch for a bit and go for check ups here and there.  If the pathologist feels its a grey area, or that these “atypical cells” warrant some concern, then I go for another kidney probe.

And that’s that.  For now.  Tomorrow I have to hound old Uro’s people to send my slides over to new guy’s and wait it out. 

The end.  (and then I punched some guy in the teeth and found five dollars.)


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