Seven Things About Me Award, Thingy.

Thank you Gypsy ( for Nominating me for  this award.  I don’t normally participate in these sort of things, but today I figured why not?


Gypsy writes about her triumphs and tribulations living with BPD.  She is a very frank and candid writer who is not shy about exposing the realities and perceptions of what it’s like to live with this disorder.  I give her kudos for that.  And I have mad respect for her honesty when came to a situation I was dealing with.

So to those of you who DO read my ramblings, I highly recommend you go check her out.

The rules:

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you.
  2. Share seven things about yourself.
  3. Nominate other bloggers you think deserve the award, and post on their blog to let them know they’ve been nominated.



Here we go!

  1. I started out as a Lefty.  Then I was sent to Catholic school and they forced me into being right handed.  I don’t know what the Catholic Church had against left handed people back then.  Maybe they think left handed people are dark servants of Lucifer.  Who knows.  (you know, the whole goats on the left, lambs on the right.)
  1. I hate pickles.   They can fuck off for all I care.  The taste, the texture. . . if one ends up in my mouth, It makes me wanna gag.  But I’ll eat a cucumber no problem.  (and then some!  Heyyyooooo!  *wink wink* ehhh.)
  1. Right now I am addicted to smelling hand sanitizer (and any other ethyl alcohol based substance for that matter) I don’t get high from it, I just really really really like the smell.  I can’t explain. . . it’s like I want to take the smell into me and become one with it.  I blame this on the CT scans I have recently had.  They always 1st inject you with something first to flush out the IV, and there is a weird taste in the back of your throat that tastes like the smell of hand sanitizer.  Well, to me it does.  Don’t judge.  At least not until you see me on that show My Weird Addiction.
  1. I love trees.  I can sit there and stare at one for hours, trying to see them as if someone visiting our world would see them.  (I have no idea if that makes sense, but I guess I try to watch them until the concept of “tree” becomes foreign to me.) They just really really fascinate me. I’ll hug the shit out of tree anyday!
  1. I used to be deathly afraid of Halloween masks as a kid.  My dad thought this was funny.  I did not.  He would put one on and chase after me, and I would then run screaming and crying for cover while my dad laughed his ass off at my hysterics.  (Nice.  Thanks dad.) It wasn’t until my grandmother locked me in room with the masks and made me confront my fear of them by touching them and putting them on.  I should point out I was 6 yrs old.
  1. Interestingly so, Halloween is my favorite holiday.  I go balls to the walls for it.  It is the only holiday I will really decorate to the nines for.  I even had a Halloween themed wedding.  (In fact I should probably start planning my Halloween costume.)
  1. I was a contestant in the Mrs. Mothman Beauty Pageant.  And lost.  I’m still kinda of miffed about it.  I had thought since this was going down at the Mothman festival in Point Pleasant, WV, it would be all kooky and silly.  It was not.  It was a serious pageant.  Girls at the rehearsal with curlers and 6” heels on with their own make up teams.  Me, David Bowie shirt with skull and cherry vans.  I knew when I went back to the dressing room to get ready for the event, that I was in over my head.  However, I thought that my quirkiness (and big ass) would give me an advantage.  It did not.  Some lady who does pageants hardcore won.  I didn’t even place.  Didn’t even beat out the wacko lady who read her own poetry instead of answering the judges questions.  I was reamed.  I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.  It still makes me angry.Image

I’m a nominate these gals, cause I do enjoy their posts and am always looking forward to reading what they have to say.

The end.


Stupid Kidney.

My kidney is an asshole.


Not like literally in the sense that I can poop from it.  But you know what I mean.


Yesterday I had a follow up appointment with my Urologist to discuss the future of my kidney. 



The pathology report, while neither really confirming, nor confirming that there were indeed atypical cells, dysplasia and carcinomas in the lining, sort of gave the impression that if all 3 were listed on the report, that either one or all were present.

So again, it seemed like the best thing to do, was get it out.

Especially because of how it was bleeding for so many months.  So much so, to the point I became somewhat anemic from all the blood loss.


Yet, the wording of that stupid pathology report was not sitting well with anyone.  It was like it didn’t want to come out and say yes or no.  All the Dr. could say was that all or one of the above at best was a possible “maybe”. 

 With the discovery of the mass . . . even though the pathology report was a possible maybe, he felt sure that if he took the kidney out, and cut it open, that there would be cancer there.  (Or something.)


But the bleeding was the key.  He felt that was enough to go to go ahead and take the fucker out.  I mean, bleeding for 5 months . . . non stop with out any let up.


After the probe, he seemed confident in removing it.  He saw a mass inside, and since he couldn’t locate the exact cause of why it was bleeding, he felt it was best to just remove it.  Cause you know, if you’re bleeding from a vital organ, and can’t identify the cause, one would assume that it’s fucked up anyways and best to just get it out of your body before it does further damage.




I think that my kidney caught wind of what was going to transpire and decided to buckle up and quit acting like a dick. 

The bleeding, which I had been experiencing for the past 5 months or so, quickly tapered off.

What once looked like cola coming out, now was becoming lighter and lighter, to the point where I am actually peeing the most healthy looking piss I think I have ever pissed in my life.



            So when my Urologist asked yesterday if I was still bleeding and I told him no, he kind of threw himself down on the exam table in utter frustration.  ( I was NOT on the exam table.  I just want to clarify this.  I don’t want people thinking he threw himself down on top of me.  Cause that would have been really weird and uncomfortable.)


            To throw another monkey wrench into the whole mess. . . (Do monkey’s really have wrenches?  Where do they get them in the jungle?  What are they using them for?  That’s just silly.) The pathologist decided to amend the report to show that only atypical cells were present, which would show some sort of inflammation.


(Inflammation people.  An infection of some sorts. . . which I think I mentioned waaaaaay back in the beginning of all this.)


 (does that look like an inflammation to you?)

He wasn’t as confident about removing my kidney after all this shit came to light, and now, we are once again, playing the wait and see game.  Sure he saw something in the kidney that shouldn’t have been there, but because of the amendment to the report and the cease in bleeding, he’s not sure what to think now.  He would hate to remove a perfectly healthy kidney and then be sued.  It could have been inflammation, it could have been something benign.  It could have been a stupid alien baby, or a big pocket of cooties.  Who the hell knows now?


(who wants some alien baby kidney cake?)



I hate the not knowing.  I also hate that if this were an inflammation of some sorts, why did all that shit show up on previous reports?  Why didn’t it show up in my blood/urine test results?  I would have thought that my white blood cell count would have been a little high.  Then again, I am no doctor, so what do I know?


He had me go for another CT urogram where they once again, injected the dye and I felt like I was gonna piss myself.   I also have to do a Urine Cytology, collecting samples over the next various days and dropping them off at the lab so they can do a sort of Pap test on the cells if you will.


It’s all good news really.  Yay!  I don’t have cancer, and Yay! I don’t have to lose an organ (at this time) but it all goes back to this being an anomaly.  Which is frustrating. 

Not only that, but I feel bad that people worried about me for no good reason. 


So as of right now, the kidney stays.  We are getting a second opinion.  I’m actually physically feeling a bit better.  I don’t feel AS lethargic, and even though my side still is stiff and I still have some pangs of pain here and there, I’m getting back into the swing of things. 


And life goes on. 

And so do I.

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