Muscle Memory & Strange Conditions.

I’ve decided that I need to get myself back into hoop shape.  I have been EXTREMELY hoop lazy.  I mean. . . Extremely.

I was looking on line for sort of hoop “Boot Camp” exercises to do, to sort of help get my mojo flowing again and I came across this.

(I am sure there are many other tutorials or workouts out there, but I only have ten minutes for break and this was the one that caught my eye.)

I think it’s a pretty good one as far as workouts go.  I mean, seems like a good way to build up muscle memory, and coordination.  1 min on different parts of your person. . . while turning with the direction of the hoop and turning against the current of the hoop.

1 min may not sound like a long time, but when you are chest hooping in opposite current, it can feel like an eternity.

(For those non hoopers who stumble across this, opposite current means the opposite direction from what you normally hoop in.  I am a Left to Right hooper, so my opposite would be, well, the opposite of that.)

So tonight the plan is to head out to my local jam and get back in the flow of things.  Ha.  Eh.  Er.

I think the last time I picked up my hoop was when I went to Michigan.

Actually that’s not true. I picked it a few weeks ago and hooped very briefly in my living room, and then immediately started to get itchy and hive-y.

See, I get this weird thing that happens from time to time, and I wish I could pin point exactly what the cause is. . .

Out of nowhere, my palms and the bottoms of my feet will get very red. .. And itchy.

aaaah! I’m itchy hand! Face! Thing!

This is how I know that whatever this thing is . . . is gonna happen.

Next, any bump or irritation on my skin, whether it be a bug bite, razor burn. . . .Whatever, begins to itch.  Immensely.

This proves to be exceedingly annoying because I do have a patch of psoriasis on the back of my head.  (I’m really a catch eh?)

(You can’t see it, unless you go digging in the back of my head. . . I mean, I’m not like Lizard girl, or the kind that needs to run off and join the freaks in a side show. )

That’s not me. In case there was any confusion

So that becomes all inflamed, itching like crazy and it takes just about every inch of my being to not pull my hair out.

These are the initial signs that shit is about to go down.   If I haven’t gotten to some sort of anti histamine by then, then we proceed to the next stage.

Rash-y Hives on my chest, neck and arms.

Sometimes my chin will become a red glowing orb of itchiness….my ears will turn red, burning and itching.

Usually my left eye will begin to itch profusely.  More often than naught, it will swell up to where it looks like I just went a round with Mike Tyson, ala Knock out style.

(Just writing about all this is making me itch.)

If I haven’t gotten to an anti histamine by now, then the following happens, which is probably the most bizarre symptom out of all of this.

My ovaries feel as though they are going to implode.

I’ve never given birth, but I imagine that what I experience at this stage is somewhere within the vicinity to going into labor.  It’s like someone shoving a knife and twisting it into my groin . . . non stop. All I can do at this point is curl into the fetal position and pray the gods take me quickly.  (Or the Benadryl kicks in and knocks me the F out.)

I should also point out that that I know that it’s not the ovaries that contract during childbirth.

Like I said, I wish I could pinpoint as to what the triggers are.  I thought it was a re-action to latex, yet there are times, when I am around latex and nothing will happen.  Then there are other times where I am trying to claw my skin off and pop my eye out because it itches so badly.

I also thought maybe it was due to low electrolytes or being dehydrated before embarking upon a physical activity (such as hooping) however, there have been times when I was quite refreshed and rearing to go and bam!  Out of nowhere.

Twice this occurred while I was out Karaoke-ing.  . . so could I be allergic to karaoke?

God I hope not.  I mean, other people may be allergic to my singing, but me to my own?  No way.

I tried to go to the emergency room once when this happened, but they wasted so much time with me in Triage, getting my insurance bullshit and then sticking me in a bed where NO ONE came to check on me, that after 45 mins, it subsided.  (All due to the 3 Claritin’s I took before my mom’s constant urging that I go to the emergency room)

And unless you’re displaying symptoms, I don’t think there is much they can do to diagnose.

(Unless they dehydrate me, scratch me with latex and sing shitty drunken renditions of Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You.’?)

Bobby!

Once again, I have totally tail-spinned onto a topic that I don’t think I meant to talk about.

I think I am getting good like that.

So uh, yeah, what?

Oh yes. . . Getting back into hoop shape, starting with muscle memory and coordination.  Sounds good to me.

Let me just make sure I have plenty of H2O and Zyrtec.

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