The Uncertain Emotional Path to Grilled Cheese

It was an incredibly stressful day at work.

The new company that took my old one over, finally started the ball rolling into integrating our office into their data entry/phone system.

In theory, it should have not been that big of a deal.  I mean, it’s just a new way of learning how to do things.  New software is normally not that daunting for me, as I feel I am pretty computer savvy.  I can normally figure shit out.

Yet their operating system, seems to me, to be quite outdated, and well, half back ass wards.

What once took us maybe 3 steps to look up specific information (if that at times) now takes at least 6 steps.  It just seems a lot of rigamoroo in order to look up stock, look up orders, to place orders, etc etc yadda yadda.

It was very frustrating.

I didn’t feel like the woman they sent to train us, was really listening to me, or helping me much.  Not only that, but I don’t feel that this new company has any idea on how to handle our aspect of business.  What we do is kind of new for them, and instead of seeing how we did it, and how they could incorporate it into how they do it,  they are just trying to pound a square peg into a round hole. So to speak.

Anyways, it lead to much frustration and a couple of break downs, where I had to go and cry somewhere to get it all out.

It was a most shitty day.

Which started me thinking on how this will be the rest of the week as well.  That it doesn’t end with today.  (Though it will get easier.  Right?  Right.  The worse is over.)

Which then made me start thinking,  how nice it would have been, on such a shitty day,the rare few that I carry with me,  (I try to leave work at work.  So once it’s 5 o’clock, I try to take on the attitude of I’m done with this day!  till tomorrow.) to have had someone there to sort of “take care of me”

You know that person, who tells you it’s ok, and kisses your head. . . Reminds you that you are home now and that you needn’t worry about your shit work day any longer.  Maybe have a grilled cheese waiting, or in the works. . . a promise of a back rub after I get out of soaking in the tub.

I’m going to be very careful in how I word this next part, while I know that there is a someone who may or may not read my blogs, I don’t want them to get the wrong idea or think I am referring to them in any way.

Today was just a day I needed that “lift”  Which in turn brought out all kinds of feels about what was once had, and well, It really made me feel even more sad.

The chain of thoughts in my head just lead me to remembrances of older times.

I just feel like a shithead because I didn’t realize it.  Or maybe I did, and I can justify that situations changed.  People changed.  Or didn’t.  That the events of the path were played out as they were to be, however, someone else decided to duck out early.

And I am left here to constantly question my intentions.  Was I a good person?  Am I still a good person?

This is what happens.  This is what happens every time I am emotionally stressed out so much so.  One incoherent thought linking to another from within my past.   This is where I go.  It all goes back to a point, whether the trigger is related to it or not.

Of course, in my enigmatic way, I am sure no one really knows what the fuck I am talking about.  And that’s ok.  I do.

But to make it somewhat clear:

Shitty days make me wish someone would make me a grilled cheese sandwich, kiss me on the head, and tell me that “everything will be ok.”

Because now that I am aware of this simple act, I am incredibly gracious of it.  And from now on, I will not take it for granted.










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