Breaking Free. . . of 2012

Every year I take a look back at my “Power” theme and see if I had held true to it.

 

It’s sort of like a resolution, but then again, it’s more of an affirmation or thought/behavior that I like to expand upon and really work at mastering, or implementing more into my life.

 

Some years, I do ok.  Some I don’t.

 

2010 was the year of “Moving forward with intent” . . . which I did quite successfully.

I gained independence, learned my true nature, kept my head up and worked towards specific goals.  It wasn’t easy, but in the end, I gained a lot more than what I had lost.

 

The year of 2011 was to be the year of “Living Authentically” which, well, proved to be more difficult in action.  I’m not sure I really stood up for myself and my beliefs when challenged by those who were threatened or tried to place their insecurities on me.  I had to do a lot of fighting that year.   Internally and Externally.  But you know, what can you do?

 

In retrospect, as shitty as 2011 was for me . . . I gotta say 2012 was the absolute worst in the history of my life.

 

Which brings us to 2012 which was to be the year of “Letting Go.”

 

I have to say that I don’t think I passed this one with flying colors, if at all.  However, to a large degree, I also feel I did not chomp at the bit on this one either.

 

(Hindsight is telling me that maybe 2011 was prepping me for what a shit storm 2012 was going to be.)

 

In all Seriousness though, and in my defense . . . Heavy heavy shit went down in 2012.

 

From suicide and the loss of someone whom I shared a great deal of my life with, to possible cancer scare  all the side effects that went along with my whole kidney bullshit, and losing my job.  Throw on top of all that fuckery from a certain someone.

 

I gotta say that all of the above was pretty hard to just “let go”

 

Then again, it was probably 2012’s way of really shoving shit in my face to teach me to truly “Let Go.”

 

Maybe by going through all this heavy stuffs, when it comes to the smaller stuffs, I won’t even have to think twice about wasting the energy.

 

So I guess I can’t say that 2012 was a total fist (though I do truly feel it was . . . right up the pooper with out any lube) I do walk away a stronger person, and I do feel a bit more laid back than usual.  (Except when it comes to dealing with those damn interior decorators . . . goddamn do they get my blood boiling.)  I did gain certain parts of myself back that I should have been living authentically back in 2011.  (Better late than never right?) And I have been trying my hardest to live each day as graciously as I can.  (Hence why I started Gratitude Tuesdays on my Facebook.. . .mostly because I have found Tuesdays to be the roughest days of the week for me.) 

Let me not forget too, the bonds that have been strengthened this past year.  I feel I am more close with certain individuals, individuals who helped me through all the bullshit and fuckery.  That right there, I am so so so so incredibly grateful for.  Man.  So blessed to be surrounded by such incredible souls.  So so so so blessed.

I guess in a way I have began my journey back to nourishing the true essence that is me. 

 

So ok ok ok.  There were some “positives” to 2012.

I am still maintaining though, that these “positives” came (and are incredibly hard to overlook) at the cost of some major, major losses.

 

 

I’m not sure what I really expect out of 2013, or what I would like my year long affirmation to be. 

 

While asking the Faeries what they would like me to know about 2013, these 3 cards jumped out at me:

            Financial Flow (Finally)

            Parenting & Children (uhhh. . . I just hope that means a stronger bond with my parents and not becoming one myself)

            Self Reliance. (I totally dig)

 

When asking them what the “Theme” should be for 2013, they came back with “Breaking Free”

Image

 

And that sounds nice.  Breaking free of all the shit 2012 dumped on my chest.

 

So adios 2012, with your hard knocks (or not) and lessons (or karma).….Seriously. . . get the fuck on with yourself and eat a bag of dicks up.   Cause personally, I am done with you.

 

I got better things waiting.

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