YOu will find a way. . YOu always do.


I started yoga about 3 weeks ago.  I have been going once a week, and taking a gentle yoga class.  I felt like it would probably be best to ease my way into it.


I gotta say. . I really love it.  I dare say yoga is just about as good as sex.  My pelvis has never felt so open!  Ha!  Har!  Er.  Seriously though. . . I always leave class a bit wobbly. 



Granted, my flexibility for some positions suck balls due to my bone condition and tumors which impede certain movements, but I gotta say, I feel so incredibly good after a good stretch.


That’s basically what this gentle yoga is.  Stretching.


I’m not a doctor or anything, but I highly recommend it to anyone else out there suffering with mild to moderate MHE.


I’m hoping to gain more flexibility and balance out of this.  Lord almighty . . . BALANCE.


My balance is horrible.  I mean this in regards to all areas of my life.


It has also been good with keeping center and “finding my breath.”


As cheesy as this sounds, this couldn’t be the most important words to remember under ANY type of stressful situation.  Stop. . . Find your breath, and connect with it. 


I’m telling you. . . It is such a good way to stay grounded and not lose yourself in whatever shit that tries to muck up your energy.


I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and meditating during these sessions on just letting go and ACCEPTING.  Acceptance has never come easy to me.  Don’t get me wrong, I am a pretty accepting person of others. . .how people want to live their lives, opinions, tastes (well, towards a certain degree. . I mean if you’re into having sex with animals or whatever else weirdness.  .  Sorry, I can’t accept that.) However, not so much of myself.  I need to remind myself to let go of the control concerning certain aspects of my life.  If things are not working out or going the way I want them too, I need to just accept that that is how it is, and move on.  I am tired of placing energy into situations that do not serve me or induce more negativity than the positive.


My problem comes from learning when to walk away and stop wasting my time and energy.  I can not accept defeat.  I can not accept giving up.


Aren’t these mantras they drill into your head as a kid?  Don’t give up?  No such thing as defeat and blah blah blah?


What they need to drill into the heads of impressionable youth is learning the difference between necessary letting go and foolishly hanging on.  What are healthy reasonable expectations, and what are not. 


Anyways, I think it’s time I clean up my life so to speak and get rid of everything that does not serve me.

I am tired of the smoke blowing and the downplaying.  These are things I can not accept and will not accept. 


I say bring on the truth and being upfront.  Let’s get real. 


If we can’t be real, then why bother?


It’s all about this moment NOW, being present in the moment, and being aware.


Get on it.


(Oh, btw. . . the title i used for this blog came to me during a meditation, when asking for guidance on what my purpose was and which direction I need to be headed.  It was clear as a bell.)






Music Snob

So now that I am all done with that song challenge, I guess I’ll actually have to yap about something “real”.  I say that facetiously of course.


Staying with the theme of music however, I am always on a quest for good hooping tunes.


It’s not unlikely to see me Shazaming shit during workshops and local jams. . It’s become such an obsession at times, but music is what moves me.  Literally.  Ha.  Eh.


Usually every year I try to come up with at least one hooping mix, of songs I am digging, that put me in a hoop dancey mood.


I think I did. . .did i?  Make one for last year??  I can’t remember.

No.  I did not.  2011 was the last one.

 Hoopmix 2011 (such an original title right?)

What Else is there?- Royksopp

Kiara- Bonobo

You’ve Got Maelstrom- Blockhead

Mr G- Deadmau5

Dare- Gorillaz

Sweat Meat- (a catchy diddy from an old friend of mine.  Cracks my ass up.)

Makes me Wanna Die Remix) Tricky

Take It Easy- Mad Lion

You Don’t Love Me (No No No)- Dawn Penn

Hippy Chick- Soho

You and I (Deadmau5 remix)- Medina

The Latern- Beats Antique

Catfish- Spoonbill

Triptango- Tripssono

We Speak No Americano- Yolanda Be Cool



Anyways, I am sort of in a music slump as far as what I want to hoop to.


I’ve been scouting new jams to groove too, and am really coming up short. 


I do admit I am a music snob.  In my head. . .I have “taste” and everyone else, needs their shit spoon fed to them.


I know how incredibly arrogant that sounds. 


Yet I am not one of those people that hem and haw or put down other people’s taste, imposing my opinion about how much of what they like sucks. . .  I will even stay quiet when they impose their shitty music on me (except if it’s Nickleback, Dave Matthews or Linkin Park….You can go fuck yourself on those.)


I mean Christ!  I drove 4 hours to Michigan with my gal pals, gritting my teeth to the sounds of Pink.


(For the record, I would never make my friends listen to 4 hours of crap I know they can’t stand.. . .say Opeth or Fantomas.. . .well Fantomas maybe, if I am super annoyed with you. . .but for the most part, I am considerate in that regards. 😛 )


Anyways, what?  Oh yes. . .


So I joined this hoopers playlist thing. . .and I gotta say, I am majorly disappointed with the submissions.  I mean, There is more out there than just Pretty Lights and Beats Antique.  (Oh and Booka Shada)  Not that I don’t enjoy those. . .but you know. . let’s mix this shit up.


Where are the good beats? 


I can’t get down with the whiney mopey women singing when I am hooping either.  Sorry Adelle. . . just.. shut the fuck up and get away from me.  Christ.

And Skrillex, or whatever, thank you for killing dub step.  Not that it had much of a shelf life anyways, but you really fucking mashed it into one big commercial annoying crap turd.


I am sure some of you are reading this and thinking “This girl is an asshole! “

And you’re right.  I can be. 

But you know, I like what I like. . and you can like what you like. . and we can all have opinions about it. 

Cause this is M’erica damn it!


Anyways, Here is what I have so far for this year.  Rip apart, or praise it’s genius at your own discretion.


I won’t take offense to either.  😛


Panty Slingshot- Opiuo, Jay Wikid

Sofi Needs a Ladder- Deadmau5

Jolie Coquine- Caravan Palace

Potions “Deliverance Mix”- Puscifer

Not Feelin’ The Love- R Kelly

Got Till It’s Gone- Janet Jackson

Big Booty Bitches (Dirtyloud Mix) Bombs Away

Sex Bomb – Adam Freeland Dub Mix- Spinnerette

Magic Spells- Crystal Castles

Cirrus- Bonobo

When the Dust Settles- STS9

Postales- Federico Aubele

Get Together- Ryan Anthony

Discovered- Beats Antique

No Solution- Jel

Sex Lies Audiotape-Redux Mix- Deadmau5









Day 30- A song that you haven’t listened to in awhile

What’s a while?  What kind of time frame are we talking about?  Time is so relative.

In high school I used to be all about the Violent Femmes.  I was so in love with Gordan Gano.  I saw them a bunch of times.  . . was almost trampled on during one show, and was almost crushed at another.

Just remember this. . . The Violent Femmes. . .  they bring all their equipment on the bus.  And you can’t fuck with the Violent Femmes.  You can not fuck with this band!

30 Day Song Challenge: Modern Love

Day 29- A song currently stuck in your head

Ok soooo, I woke up with this song in my head this morning. . . Shut up.  Don’t judge. . .cause usually It’s Jukebox hero.

Also, does this mean I am officially “middle age” because, I find myself enjoying some Hall and Oates?

Seriously.  This song is like. . .the jam. 😛

30 Day Song Challenge: Uh oh.

Day 28 – A song that reminds you of your boyfriend/girlfriend (if you don’t have one, make one up :])

Welp, for awhile it was this one.


Now it’s this.

It’s been a rocky ride.

That’s all I can say.




Quote, Unquote.

Over the years I have been collecting quotes friends on FB have shared, that I thought were pretty good.  You know, reminders, life affirmations, tid bits of philosophical “truth”.

I was going through and cleaning up a bunch of flash drives, and I found them all scattered about.  So I figured I would condense them all and place them here.

Self Reflect, Think Deep, Open yourself and love.




“We live in a world of incomplete shadow men stalking themselves in tunnels of inquiries that will never answer the question of themselves.”- Chad Jackson

“Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death they would be asked two questions and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife. The first question was, “Did you bring joy?” The second was, “Did you find joy?” -Chad

“On every journey there is no stopping, no quitting, only pausing when you’ve overdone it, only healing, only catching your breath, counting your blessings and insights, gathering for whats to come – and with an eye towards it, when you resume your path, you do so all the wiser, with your every rest stronger than before.”

If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly.”
-Andrew Harvey

If you’re gonna worry about it, don’t do it. If you do it, don’t worry about it.

A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.

Remember there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.- Frank Zappa
We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.
We are wanderers, dreamers and lovers,
lonely souls who dare ask of life everything good and

So I ask myself

Who is in charge right now?

Fear or love?

Anxiety or a sense of purpose?

And I try my best to never let fear or ignorance or hate guide me

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
“You don’t have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body” C.S. Lewis

“You may pine for the life you think you’ve left unlived, but that life not only never existed, it almost certainly wouldn’t have existed the way you imagine it.  Think about your life today:  does it exist now as you once predicted it would?”

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
If you are not living in the NOW, you are not living

“I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.”

Scars are souvenirs you never lose

“that no part of me is guaranteed to be truth forever, and that it is not a self-betrayal to change my mind about something.”- Jessica Wagstrom

Nobody can see truth while looking through the eyes of ego.

Marianne Williamson: “The ego would always seek to convince you that your possibilities are limited. Refuse to listen. Listen to God [And Goddess] instead, in Whom and through Whom there are no limits to who you are or what you can do.”

I’m am “they”. When “they” say shit, that’s me. I’m a plural shit talker.

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” – William Gibson
 “You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.” Plato

The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.  ~John E. Southard

As frustrating and complicated as I have found Ma Nature can be on my expeditions and meanderings – she doesn’t hold a candle to humanity. People are confusing, illogical, and hypocritical – Nature just is

Spiral out. Keep going, going…

Hoop in memory of someone you lost, hoop in anticipation of unknown loves to come!
All days are flow days. Some more than others. But when we find ourselves in the moment, I feel that our awareness of flow is high. It isn’t until we become the moment itself when we have truly integrated ourselves into the flow…or something like that 😀
“The key to this is remembering that love comes from within, it starts by accepting, appreciating, and cherishing yourself and others, this world, this time, this life; seeing that  even though these things are often far from ‘perfect’ according to our evaluations, they are exactly as they need to be right now in order to teach us what we do not yet know, and remind us of what we have forgotten.”
Gamble everything for love, if you are a true human being. ~ Rumi

love doesn’t need a storyline

“I will come to you my love, when I no longer need you. Then you will find a palace, not an almshouse”


“when you are not attached to your lover, there is no fear of loss when you hold them in your arms. When you do not rely on them to feel safe or to feel loved, there is no anxiety when they are away. When you do not seek to find yourself in them, you allow them to be just as they are. The mind games fade away, the manipulations drop – and the feeling gets deeper, and deeper, more genuine.”

My heart’s in the right place. I know because I hid it there.
If a girl understands your bullshit, sticks around through all your mistakes, and smiles even though you’ve done nothing for her. Than it’s obvious she’s a keeper, but it’s also obvious you don’t deserve her. /passiveaggressive

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes… just be an illusion.” – Javan.

It’s amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces.” – Anonymous.

Moving on is simple, it’s what you leave behind that makes it so difficult.”

I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had, but I can’t because I know you won’t come after me & that’s what hurts the most.” – Anonymous.

“The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.” – Anonymous

There are three things certain in life: death, taxes & WAFFLE HOUSE restaurants always open

30 Day Song Challenge: Check it and See!

Day 27 – A song you make fun of


It’s not that I necessarily make fun of this song per se, however, i have found that you can replace the lines “hot blooded” with just about anything. 

Such as:

DOIN’ DISHES!  check it and seeeee!  Gonna get these dishes cleeeean!


TAP DANCIN’!  Check it and see! I gots to keep movin my feet!


MASHED POTATOES!  Check it and see!  Gonna feed these potatoes to me!


BUTT PLUGGIN!  Check it and see!  Keep that butt plug away from meeeeee!


you get the idea.

Give it a try.  It’s super fun.




No Soliciting

WordPress has just informed me that today is my two year anniversary of blogging.  Yippee yay! 


I’m not one to really care about who is following me or what my stats are. I pretty much am here for my own amusement and enlightenment.  If you choose to come along . . . cool, if not, no big deal. (To those who do choose to come along, many thanks for reading my thoughts.)


I’ve also found some really good blogs that I find amusing and entertaining.   I am a voyeur who is always interested in the real dealings of everyday life of everyday people.

So I thank all those that I follow for sharing what it is they share . . . whether it be their day to days, their struggles, randomness . . . what have you. 



Yet I’ve noticed that there have been some people over the past two years who have liked or have been following me, where I can’t tell if they are legit, or just looking to “sell” something.


Philosophy, self help blogging to make money . . . that kind of shit.


They’ve got these books, seminars, websites all to show you how you too!  Can be this that and the other.


It makes me wonder the sincerity of their appreciation. Do they really like what I am blabbering on about?  Or are they just trying to market themselves?


If the only reason to like my blog or a post is so that I will come over and look at whatever it is your schlepping, I gotta say, don’t waste your time on mine.


I don’t want to “buy” anything. 


I don’t think it states anywhere in anything that I have written that I am looking to pursue this as a means to live or as something serious. 


I mean sure, this is “serious” in the respect that I use it as a tool to gain self reflection and to jib jab whatever uselessness is floating about my head, but I have no grandiose ventures of becoming a serious blogger or writing a book. 


If that’s your bag, then hey, good for you.  More power to you and best of luck.


But I like to work in a world of pure sincerity with no hidden motives.


Anyways, yeah.


That’s all.

30 Day Song Challenge: F For Fake

Day 26 – A song by your favorite band

I sooo love Mike Patton.  It’s hard to choose between all of his various bands and projects, so I am just gonna go with Faith No More, since it was what he was more “commercially” known for.

This is my absolute favorite FNM song ever.

It resonates with me.

30 Day Song Challenge: Words I’ll Never Find

Day 25 – An acoustic song you love

Chris Cornell man. . . That fucker can wail like a banshee. ❤



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