Shoulder Duck Out

Pretty good tutorial on Shoulder duck outs. The slow Mo is nice to kind of get an idea on what goes on when you are ducking out.

I’m still trying to get this down. One day. . . .One day I will get this.

I don’t care if I am 80.

I will get this.

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Beacuse I can be. . . .

Its getting close. . .well, not like close close, but close enough to where people (people that I know) are starting to talk their Burning Man bullshit.

Don’t get me wrong.  I would LOVE to go.

But once again, I can’t afford it this year and am being ditched (yet again) by the very same person who swore to me in brotherhood blood and pagan rituals, that we would get there TOGETHER!

Pshh.  Yeah right.  Thanks asshole.

So, I’m feeling a bit salty about BM.  Yet again.

So to make myself feel better, I have been reading articles and what not on why Burning Man SUCKS.

You may be saying, now Kaycee, that is just childish.  And I will say. . .Yes it is.  BUT. . when you’re bitter about being ditched AGAIN. . I feel I am somewhat entitled to be a bit childish.

Like maybe 20%.

Ok, 15%.

Fuck it.

Fuck Burning Man.

Why Burning Man Isn’t Worth It.

 

 

You’re Perfect Yes It’s True!

 

I think I am having a mid life crisis. 

I’m not even mid life yet, but the fact that I am looming near 40, for some reason does not sit well with me.

It’s not the number itself (because 40 is a good solid red red color, and I like red)

I think it’s the effects of just growing old.

I’m not going to lie.  A majority of my paranoia lies with the physical. 

Things are drooping, sagging, wrinkling so on and so forth.

I would like to say that I don’t mind these things, as long as they happen “gracefully”, but my warped perception of myself doesn’t seem to be seeing it this way.

I worry that I am no longer attractive to the opposite sex. . . seeing how my um, you know, sexy time life, is pretty much non existent.  I worry that maybe I’m just not as attractive as I think I am.  (and you know, I think I’m pretty cute and ok looking body wise.)

It’s silly.  I know.  And soooooo superficial.  I know I know  I know. 

But you know, they do say (and science has proved) that men ARE visceral creatures.

Again. . . stupid and silly.

I’ve been trying to be more physically active. . . I have even begun this 30 day ab endeavor. . .but I keep fucking it up, not adhering to it strictly.  So I think I may just start over again. . .and this time REALLY just, you know. . .Do it. 

I look at my hoop and KNOW I should just get in it. . . but I just don’t want to.  I just lose all motivation once I pick it up.  I just feel clumsy and so ungraceful.  This is something I have been struggling with for awhile now, and I am not sure how to change it.

Well, I do.  Different mind set, lose expectations

Not only is the physical freaking me out, but also my status in my “career” life.

6 Years ago I needed a change, something that was not in direct contact with the bullshit and politics with working in the Education field.

I took an office/customer service job thinking at the time, it was what I needed. 

At the time it was. . . however now, with my job being threatened. . .again. . . I hate it.  I can’t stand people.  Thinking about having to go to work and deal with the assholes I have to deal with, makes me physically ill.

(No joke.  Or it’s the 150 sit ups I just tried to cram into one session after skipping them for 2 days.)

I need another change.  The question now is, what kind of change???

I don’t feel I am qualified to do anything that would pay me enough to sustain a comfortable living.  I’m barely squeaking by as it is.

I mean, if I truly think about what it is I would really and truly love to do, it would be staring at trees all day or working at Henson studios, or sewing cat hats and selling them on Etsy.

But those dreams are so far fetched due to lack of income they would bring in, not to mention lack of experience or proper training.  Truth be told, I am not even sure I know how to thread a bobbin correctly . . . let alone work with latex to create fanstastical creatures.

I have had thoughts of going back to school . . . but to do what?  Get a degree in identifying trees?  How would that help me pay my rent?  And then thinking about throwing myself into further debt. . . well that makes me physically ill too.

Its just blech. Blah. Patoowie! 

So yeah.  That’s how I am feeling these days.

Relax.  It’s just a phase….I’ll grow out of it. . . .I hope.

Highlights From My Weekend

 

         Watching my sister run outside in her bathrobe and slippers, carrying a plastic bag,   yelling    Hey!  Hey!  Hey! To the deaf lady who lets her dog shit in our parking lot, to tell her to pickup her dog shit with a series of hand gestures and then ending the “conversation” with a thumbs up.

–  The realization of how truly blessed I am to have my mom (and dad) in my life.

–  How truly kick ass my family is.

–  A “straightened up” apartment.

         The excitement from a dog who is happy to see you.

         My quesadilla maker

         The local park system near my house.

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         The sounds of frogs singing, humming and chirping.

         Seeing a beaver smack it’s tale on the water to warn us he was around, and that we were on his “turf”.

         The multitude of water lilies.

         Trees.  Oh How I love trees.

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         Beautiful spring day.

–      Taking the dog on Walks.

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         Watching The Belmont Stakes with the family and “Picking out” which horse we wanted to win.

         Having picked the horse Palice Malice because I was familiar with the Jockey Mike Smith, due to the fact that I watched the TV show Jockeys.

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         Watching Palice Malice take the lead and win the Belmont.

         Running into an old Cast mate/director I haven’t seen in years.

         Partaking in the consumption of a very tasty pulled pork sandwich smothered in tasty BBQ sauce (which I ended up getting all over myself in the process.)

         Dancing to a Fleetwood Mac cover band with my Best friend and home girls.

         People watching, whom were also totally digging the Fleetwood Mac cover band as well.

         Realizing that I was probably one of the better looking people at this event.  (not to knock anyone, or make it sound like I am arrogant, but it is a realization I rarely have.  If ever.)

         Riding a horrible carny ride with my best friend and laughing non stop over the ridiculousness that is two grown women holding onto for dear life in fear of being flung out of the ride.

         Busting out into fits of giggles and laughter over thinking about the above.

         Sharing my pillow with a dog who has the most softest fuzziest head.  Ever.

         Lounging around for a good hour or so reading in bed.

         Laying in bed with a cat snuggling up into my side, and purring contently.

         Taking a fat nap.  (Even if there were some bouts of sleep paralysis.)

         Driving about Lake county, looking at houses and pretty scenery

         M&M Blizzard.

         Watching some good episodes of Arrested Development.

         Falling asleep to the Directors Cut of Legend.  Never saw it.  Glad they re-worked it.

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I Feel For You: Chakras, Synthesia and Energy

I did a Chakra Yoga Class.

Since I feel that we are beings of energy, I feel it is important to make sure that our energy is positively flowing.  It is so easy to become bogged down or “tainted” in this world.  (Tainted as in carrying around negativity, especially when that negativity is turned inwards.  It doesn’t do the soul or body good.) When your perception is pointed towards the negative, you tend to miss out on all the good stuff.  And there really is so much good stuff.  Not only that, but there really are physical repercussions that take place.  The body is tired.  Depression.  Chronic ailments that affect the joints, digestive system, so on and so forth.  I think when there is an awareness to when your being is closed off to a certain aspect of the mind and body, a shift occurs. . .and it just makes dealing with things a tad bit easier.  A sort of acceptance maybe?  Or plan of action to be put in place? (depending on the circumstance) As someone who suffers from depression I totally notice how different and off my body feels when I am in the midst of a low point compared to how it would feel during a “normal” point.

So as of late, I like to try and be more in tune with “Me”.

During the class the instructor went over the different chakra points and the attributes associated with each center.  We would meditate for a few minutes and  then go into a few yoga poses that are specifically aimed at opening up those centers.

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For the last year? Or so, I have been having trouble with my root chakra.

The root chakra is at the base of your spine.

It is the chakra associated with the color red, the element of Earth and the sense of smell.

It’s also associated with the adrenals, legs, feet, bones, large intestine and teeth.

Pretty much your root chakra is your feeling of having the right to be here, the right to have and security.

When your root is all off it can lead to weight gain, constipation, sciatica, degenerative arthritis and knee problems.

Since it is associated with the bones, and I have this genetic bone disorder, there is not much I can really do about that now is there?  That was the one part I don’t get.  That is something beyond my control, and if you ask me, no amount of meditating on the word LAM is gonna fix it.  However, looking back, there was a lot of upheaval in my personal life (as in love life) and that whole decision on if I should move to my new place.  There was also that whole debacle with being let go from my job, to being called back, to being not sure how long this new company that took over would keep me on.  So, lot’s of un-stableness.  My depression was a lot more noticeable. (To me at least.)  I wasn’t exactly a content person.  I was dealing with a lot insecurities.

When we did the root, I could feel a buzzing red orb of fiery vibrating color sitting with in that energy location.

What really got me was that at the end of the section after we did the yoga moves, we closed our eyes and repeated the word “Lam” 4 times.  I swear that as soon as I shut my eyes and repeated that word, I saw . . . I mean actually SAW the color red.

It was so profound, that I wanted to cry.  (But I didn’t . . . because I’m not a sissy!  Ok, well that is a lie, I am a sissy.)

Now, I can argue that the reason I saw the color red is because when you close your eyes, they roll back into your head and it’s possible that you are able to see the redness of whatever membrane is back there.

It is also possible that it could have also been part of suggestion.  My mind flashing that intense color of red because after all, we were just focusing on it.

I should point out that I have acute synthesia.  That is where you see colors when you hear words or touch things.  (It’s not just seeing colors, it could be smells or tastes.)

So when I hear a number, or a name, I will see a color.  The thing is, it’s not always the same color.  So even though I will tell you today that Tuesday is blue. . . a week from now I could be telling you that it is a celadon color with drops of pink.

Also, when people touch me, I will see colors.  Depending on the intensity of the touch depends on the vividness of the color.

Again, it is not very strong.  My colors are muted half the time. . . maybe not muted, but definitely faint.  Also depending on what mood I am in, and how tuned in I am with my senses will also encourage the intensity and brightness of the color.

Anyways, where am I going with this?  Uhh, yes, the last possibility of my Red vision could be my synthesia.

However, as the class progressed, I noticed with just about every chakra,  I could see the color grow behind my eye lids. . . or one could even say. . Mind’s eye.

Now that I feel a deeper connection to my Root, I finally feel it’s time to move to my Sacral

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My Sacral Chakra is very weak.  And I am not surprised.  This chakra has to do with desire, sexuality and pleasure.

And well.. . .I know what my block for this one is.

I also felt my Heart Chakra the most.  Or I should say, that seems to be the one that is lingering for some reason.  My heart chakra is actually in a very good place.  Yet it’s energy seems to perforating the most.  It feels as though I am just “beaming” this energy out of me.

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We were given a test to take home to see which areas needed the most work.  Most of my numbers were pretty consistent (except my Sacral.) so I feel pretty good and balanced.

If anyone is interested in checking their Chakras, I have included a link where you can go through a questionnaire that helps determined where you are blocked and so on and so forth.  Even if you don’t buy into all of this, it’s still kind of fun.

http://www.eclecticenergies.com/chakras/chakratest.php