Ramble On

I know.  I know I’ve been a total poo as of late.  Debbie Downer, all pessimistic and shit.  Jaded and bitter. 
My sense of humor dulled and watered….my outlook on life darkened.

I’m in an emotional rut.  My depression is getting the best of me.  Fucker.  I hate that guy. 

I’ve been trying to climb out of this hole it created….er…I created, and get back on my feet.  It’s not easy.  It’s hard to find rainbows and unicorns amongst all the dick cheese and grime of this world. (Haha…dick cheese…ehhhh….ewwww.)

There are truths I seek, and they all seem to lead to disappointing endings.  Or fallacies that were never truths to begin with.   Carefully guised in the form of subtle manipulation and insecurities.
It’s hard to, well for me anyways, to discern these truths as axioms or if they are just isolated to me.  Am I just the one with over the top expectations?  Am I stuck on “expectations”? Or is it hope? What’s the difference? This seems to be what I am stuck on as of late.

We all know that we should be open and honest.  Love unconditionally.  So why do some individuals find this to be so taxing?  Why is it so incredibly crushing when the trust you place in another human being is violated?
Why do I constantly set such high expectations?  Are these high expectations?
It’s not me…..It’s the other persons crap. I don’t need to carry it. Yet I do. How can I not when it does involve me….as in the way they treat me.

I miss the me I discovered a few years ago.  Sure sure, she was going through some major shit.  But she got through it.  With sass and perseverance.  Intention, even though she had no idea what the intent was or where it would take her.

Breathe in….breathe out…move forward with Intent.

Did I forget this?
Hmmm….
Or maybe what it all boils down to is that I dimmed myself down due to the insecurities of someone else.

Never dim people.

I dunno.  I’m a just rambling here.  Making no sense as usual.

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