It’s for Your Future.

I’ve been absolutely miserable as far as my whole job/career thing has been going.  I’ve been really struggling to figure out what path to take as far as this whole debacle is concerned.

I’ve never really had a clear vision as to what it is that I would like to do.  Growing up I wanted to be a myriad of things ranging from Barbarian to teacher. 

I just never felt “called” to one particular area.  Well. . .that’s not true.  The area’s I did feel called to, do not exist.  Or don’t pay the bills.  Is there a market for a Sorceress tree whispering author? I think that market may be over saturated if I am not mistaken.

I’ve just always been lost.

Or math has gotten in the way.   Fucking math.

What usual happens is that I will start down towards a direction of what I think I might find interesting and then half way through discover that it’s not what I really want to be a part of.

And again, the things I did enjoy doing. . . not paying the rent.

Fucking rent.

Anyways, so yes.  In a rut.  Big time. 

I can’t even find another gig to get away from the shitty and oppressive gig I am at now.  I’ve sent out numerous resumes to various places, and haven’t heard a thing back.

Lately I’ve been wondering if the reason why I am not hearing anything back is because I need to do something incredibly drastic with my life. . . like going back to school.

I have been toying with this thought for quite some time, but the fact that I don’t know what I want to do exactly has always squashed the idea.   That or again, the areas that I would be interested in going into, are very cut throat and I would end up owing more in school loans than what I would make should I even get a job in those fields.

However, working the schlub jobs I have been working, don’t leave me feeling all that satisfied either.

The thought of going into a specific line of work has been creeping more and more to the forefront of my mind. 

So I decided one day to seek out an acquaintance of mine and get their take on it.  After all, they themselves work in this area. . not the specific genre that I think I would like to pursue, but they would know about the path in regards to obtaining a degree in this field.  And if it would be worth it.

I don’t know this person terribly well.  We see each other randomly, and when we do, we usually chit chat about music, as we both have the same love and zeal for obscure artists and bands.

That’s pretty much what our conversations have been about.

So when I approached them with what their thoughts were about the whole business, they immediately looked at me a bit skeptical and asked if I was that crazy.

Not a good start.

However, as I yapped on about how I have always thought about going into this field, but always felt deterred by the lack of pay, the scarcity of jobs and the politics involved, I also revealed what an impact one of these people had on me when I was a kid.

This person listened intently and then suggested that perhaps what I could do was just to make an appointment with a counselor at the local college and just see what I would have to do in regards to following this route.  To get a clearer picture of what exactly I would have to do.  They also pointed out that even if I found later that it wasn’t something I really wanted to go into, it was at least a start.  A start to getting up off my ass and doing something “productive.” Something that would help me feel as though I was letting life just pass me by.

All of which I have been dragging my feet on.

However, I took their advice and set up an appointment.

I sent them an email thanking them for their time, and that in a way I did sort of feel better about things.  That I didn’t feel as “stuck”  I do have options.

So a few weeks go by.  My appointment isn’t for some time, and in a way, it falls wayside to the back of my head. 

So a few days ago, as I walked out to my car for my break on a cold and dismal day. . . feeling quite lethargic and ho hum from my mind numbing work morning. . . I see this message waiting for me from said acquaintance.

Every breath you take, from now on, It’s for your future.”

It caught me quite off guard.  I sat in my car a few minutes feeling my eyes swell with tears.  It was exactly that small glimmer of hope and encouragement that I needed that day.  And everyday after that.

It also caught me off guard because it was from someone that I don’t have everyday contact with. This isn’t someone who is privy to the goings ons of my life.  

The fact that they took those few seconds out of their day……that they thought of me….thought about how I am struggling with my path. . . . and chose to send me those words. . .that reminder to keep pushing forward….well. . . Let’s just say, it does restore some sort of faith I lack in humanity.  I was incredibly touched.

The smallest gestures people.  I am telling you.

And because I love to be all serendipitous about life and it’s “hidden” agendas and meanings. . I like to look at this as the universe’s way of letting me know, that I am finally. . .getting back on track.

I hope.

 

 

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