Tiny Gasps.

There are  brief moments,  that light up and fade with in a second of breathing them.
These feelings are so fleeting, only surfacing for a moment or two and then hurrying to sink back into the safety of my being before being gobbled up by the anger I am carrying to protect my tired and weary heart, but their presence transcends the moment where everything around me aligns and all the colors come back into the prism. 

Little glimmers of truths.

It is in these moments where I can see nothing but gratitude for the experience I had with “him” and the past three years.

I am grateful for the love.  The love I was capable of giving to someone in an experience such as that was… and how I fought tooth over nail for the purity of that love.  And what a truly beautiful thing that is. 
Loving someone that deeply. Fiercely.  Unconditionally.

I am so grateful for that….beauty.  That simplistic innate truth.

I once heard a saying that goes along the lines of “A man’s worth is not measured by how loved he is, but how much he has loved.” …..or something like that.

And for once, I truly feel that.  When those specks of recognition connect to the surface, all the hurt, the lies, the bullshit….It all doesn’t matter as much.  Those feelings become replaced with all the good.  The shiny moments.  The reminders of what our infinite souls are capable of.

Some will argue that this man was not worth that kind of love….  and maybe so, in the sense that it was not reciprocated, that his treatment and attitude towards me was selfish, hurtful and lazy….but we should all be so lucky to love with such abandonment and completeness.

I still carry hurt, anger and bitter disappointment but during these moments I feel the veil lift, the shell soften, and my heart taking tiny gasps towards breathing in life and healing.

So I take this moment to thank him.  To thank the powers that be that pulled me into his path, and him mine.  I take this moment to thank myself ……for never holding back……for being true to that part of my infinite authentic being. 

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