Another Round- Cancer Can Suck a Dick.

Today I go back into the hospital for another round of chemo.  If all goes well, the Dr’s feel I should be back home by Sunday at the latest.  My goal is by Friday.

From what I was told, my treatments will be every 21 days.  So that’s not too shabby.  About a week in, and three weeks home?  I’ll take it!  (I mean…I’ll take not having cancer…but this is what it is…so.)

I’m not exactly sure at the moment what this round entails.  I was told that it would be less intense than my first stint…but I am sure those green little steroid pills will make an appearance.

Goddess I hate those things.  All fifteen of them.

Not gonna lie and say that I am jazzed about having to go back….I mean who would be?  I’ve grown quite comfy being home and returning to some normalcy and familiarity of my life before all this started.

(Let me just say that my bed is heaven.   It is so goddamn comfy.  I don’t want to leave my bed.  In fact I haven’t yet this morning.  😛 )

I’m still having the headaches, but I was able to partake in some things here and there.   Got to go out to dinner one night and brunch Sunday morning.  Was able to spend time and laugh with some amazing people who stopped in to visit.  Had a shamanic healing from a very dear friend who came all the way from North Carolina for the weekend.  (which I am going to try and touch upon later.) Got a therapeutic massage which did wonders for my headache yesterday, and more importantly, got to sleep next to my boo at night.  (yeah you can go ahead and puke here….we are pretty adorbs.)

Oh and I totally stuffed my face with all the foods.  Can’t forget that.

So all and all it was a nice “break” between treatments.

I still am feeling pretty confident that I am kicking this disease in it’s balls, but I do feel at times a bit stymied at how my life has been totally turned upside down and shaken around.  I know that obviously my day to day has been altered in such a way that this is now the new reality.  Fighting change and refusing to adapt has never served anyone well, so the attitude of acceptance in all of this is a must.  Yes.  I have accepted that this what I am going through and there will be major major life changes.  Yes I have even accepted that I have this disease, but I have also accepted that I will not succumb to it.  Yet there are still some aspects of having to deal with this that I find myself having a hard time welcoming.

I want to wake up with no headaches.  I want my hair back.  I want to be able to just go out and not worry about getting tired or catching something due to my weakened immune system.  I want to go back to work. Yes….work.  I miss my job and structure it gave me, and um, having an income. I miss dancing.  I miss hooping.   I just miss doing the things I did before all this.

Of course I know that I will get better and I will be right back to everything  I was doing before….but in the immortal words of Veruca Salt….” I want it now!”

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But I guess all in due time.

It’s going to be a long road, and one that I’m already bored traveling down, but there have been some beautiful moments along this path, and it’s those moments that keep me moving along.

 

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