More Molecules Than Air

I’m fucking tired.

There is nothing I would love more at this moment than to drift off to tranquil sleep,but that’s not going to happen.  Not tonight.

Not even the ativan I took earlier is able to gently coax and whisper for my mind and body to relax and succumb to it’s serene suggestives.

My body is beaten and battered and my head is constantly going.   It seems I can only shut one off at a time.   If I can get my body to relax, then my head starts fixating on all the mundane cacophony of white noise dribble from the day or days to come.  If I can get my head to shut up, then my body ends up twitching, jolting itself awake with aches.  Groaning for that one spot, position where it can find comfortable respite.

Fighting cancer is hard.   And I’m angry, because even when I am done fighting, I’ll still have to clean up cancer’s shit.  Which  just means even more work.

I’m overwhelmed by the feeling of being robbed by this shitty disease, and let’s face it, that’s what cancer does.  It ransacks.

It creeps into every facet of your life placing conditions and ripping things apart.

You can only go so long, bright eyed and bushy tailed, before you start wanting to punch everything in the face.

 

 

 

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