Alien Dreaming

I’m back in my old childhood bedroom.  I’m “sleeping”, laying in bed, and my ex husband is there with me.  I don’t see him right away, but I feel him laying next to me.  My eyes are closed, and I start to drift into that state of waking.  Something feels weird.  Suddenly I’m fully aware that something is going to happen. 

I FEEL as though “they” are about to come.

And as soon as that thought goes through my head, that feeling that some shit is about to go down…..3 quick bright green flashes go off in my head accompanied by 3 loud clapping noises.

CLAP! CLAP! CLAP!

They are here.

I can’t move.  I can’t scream.  I can’t wake up.  I can’t wake up in my dream, and I can’t wake up for real.  I’m stuck.

I often have had bouts of sleep paralysis, but this was really….weird.

The flashes.  The sense that there was someone…or something there.

I tried to call out to my ex husband in the dream, but again, I couldn’t move.  I couldn’t make my voice heard. 

Then I was up and above our sleeping bodies. I could see him.  Laying there.
I tried again to call out his name and to help me.  Nothing. No sound.
I didn’t want to go with them.

Then the presence of what felt like a woman was there.  She was talking to me.  Telling me things.  What, now I can’t recall.  But it suddenly hit me that whoever she was, was an alien.

Then I woke up.

Now…I have all kinds of “explanations” to this dream.  I just finished up the second season of American Horror Story, and if you’ve seen it, then you know what I am referring to.
I am also reading Communion by Whitley Streiber.  Personally, I think so far the whole story is a crock of shit….I mean, he wrote the Wolfen for Christs sake….not to mention the Hunger.
You can’t expect me to believe that this is a true story.

Setting all that aside, I’ve always been freaked out by the possibility of alien life.  Especially the stories about Tall Greys.  Up until a few months ago, I couldn’t pick up this book….all due to the creepy scene in the movie where an alien head peers back at Christopher Walken as he tries to make out what the fuck is moving about in his doorway.  (Actually…I’m kinda of getting a tid bit freaked out now….as I type this up in a dark room with nothing but the glow of the screen…..*gulp* )

Or maybe this dream is just another peek into my subconscious….a place where I feel trapped and scared, and there is no one there to help me.  No great protector.  My husband once was that for me.  Hence why his appearance in the dream.  A symbol of safety. The “aliens” if that’s what they were, a change that is occurring in my waking life, that has me feeling unsettled and uneasy. 
I dunno. 

But what of the flashes?  The claps?

I seriously hope I wasn’t abducted.

Fucking weird man.

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Blame it on the Rain.

A few nights ago I had this dream where I was standing in the driveway in front of my parent’s garage.  It was pouring rain.  Like big fat raindrops just soaking everything.  I remember thinking that I should have felt colder than I was, but then again, I don’t recall feeling temperature differences in dreams.
Normally, my dreams are brought to me in Technicolor, but this dream was sepia. 
My sister was standing there with me and I could tell that she was incredibly upset.  I got the feeling that she was upset over some dipshit guy she was dating who repeatedly fucked her over, lied to her and broke her heart. 

I remember staring at her for a second, and then I just said to her “Walk your truth.”  I then turned around to leave, but not before cupping my hands to catch the pouring rain and splashing the collected rainwater onto myself.

(A playful little move I do in the shower with a special someone.  Now you know my secret to wooing.)

Now, normally my dreams are really …..bizarre.  (I love my dreams btw) Usually when I awake and recall them, I can see why such and such made an appearance.  Most of the time when I recall, I’m just like….What the fuck???  (Like the dream I had a week ago where Jeepers Creepers was trying to electrocute me, and I used a metal shelf to absorb the electricity….makes perfect sense right?)

I also like to believe that no matter how absurd or mundane a dream may be, that there ARE some elements to them….messages.. that come from my subconscious… the universe….spirit guides….too many late night cheeseburgers…

This dream I feel, was so from my subconscious….and so direct and to the point.

It wasn’t so much me telling my sister to walk her truth, but it was me telling ME to walk my truth.  Her appearance in the dream, upset over some twatwaffle, was actually a representation of ME. 

Our romantic lives run pretty much parallel to each other, so I’m guessing my subconscious, guides, universe, cheeseburger used her image to get my attention. Got me to focus in on the distress that I have often found myself in, over someone who has done me wrong. And in my attempts to “right” or “fix” or out hope that they will recognize their truth, I have pretty much shut myself away.

I have spent so much time worrying, hurting and being anxious, that those parts have taken over.

The dream taking place in the rain only solidifies that I need to just rid myself of those “weights”, and when you throw in the fact that I was splashing myself….and the fact that I was doing my little playful splashy splash, well…..bottom line….I have not been in touch with my playful carefree me…..all because I became so bogged down in all that shit.

I lost my authentic me.

And fuck that. That’s some bullshit. Because if you ask me….my authentic me is pretty damn bitchin…and shame on a dickwank for not recognizing…or appreciating. And shame on me for losing sight of it. Especially considering that it was a mantra of mine for so long.

So walk your truths my friends. No matter what. No matter who.
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The Point of Singularity

I’m not sure where it was I was going in this dream, or where exactly I was.  All in know is that there were others with me.  Whether or not I knew these other individuals in my waking life or even in this dream, I also have no idea.  All I know is that our lives, were floating towards the direction of singularity.

Again, it was the feeling of ceasing to exist that seemed to dominate the dream.

In physics, the point of singularity can refer to many things, however, the one that seems to be resonating most with me, is that of a black hole.  That all information breaks down.

I am not sure, but it felt like me and my cohorts where nearing one perhaps?  Even though the setting of the dream did not feel Sci-Fi/spacey.

I remember calling my mother on the phone to say goodbye.  It was sort of sad, because she did not want me to go.  I kept telling her that there may be a chance I could come back, if the higher intelligent beings would allow it, step in, and send us back.

I have no idea what the hell that means.

Yet as we traveled closer to this “point” I lost communication with my mom.  I was then left hoping that whoever these intelligent beings were, would hurry up and save us.

Save us they did, while I never “saw” these beings.  There presence was felt, as was a weird energy.  Like they had the ability to manipulate time.

Next thing I know, I am in a “new” life, with these others, and we are talking about the number of times that we have all been sent back. (or how many more times we will need to go back??) I can only remember my OAOABF’s number, who was now in the dream as “someone else”.  Either he has been incarnated 157 times, or he is fated to another 157 lifetimes.

It was definitely a weird ass dream.

My philosophical and spiritual views are deeply steeped in theories of reincarnation.

After all, from a scientific view point, energy is never destroyed.  Just transformed.  And, we are beings of energy.

Whether or not our consciousness, our personalities, sense of self awareness . . .what have you, survive this life onto whatever is next, I have no idea.  Once upon a time I had been so inclined to tell you absolutely.  Yet, age, and lost of spiritual connectivness has weakened this feeling.  I still fee l it to a degree, but there seems to be some doubt lurking about.

I like to think that we as souls are  eternal. . .I mean, If God/Goddess/Universe/ Etc.. is, was, and always will be, and if we are created from that, then we too are, was, and always will be.

So why re-incarnating?

Because it is the only way in which to perfect our souls.

Anyways, I just thought it an odd dream.  That or the Tall Greys are fucking with me once again.  Assholes.

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“The whole world is a dream, and death the interpreter”

Over the weekend I had quite the disturbing dream.  The mood of the dream actually stayed with me for a good portion of the day.  Which is something that very rarely, if ever happens.  When recanting the dream to another individual, I actually got shaky and started crying.  That’s how messed up it was for me.

Let me go back into my dream history if I may.

As a child I had a very, very, very over active imagination.  So it would make sense that my dreams were always vivid, and more than naught, nightmarish.

Sure, they may have been mostly involving Godzilla coming to destroy buildings I was in, ( like K-Mart)Image

or vampires hunting my family and I down, the point is, that at a very early age, I had to learn how to “wake” myself up voluntarily.  Or simply put, the art of Lucid dreaming.

Whenever I found myself in a dream that I didn’t like, or was scaring the crap out of me, I would in my dream, roll my eyes up into their sockets as hard as I could, and thus waking myself from the dream.

As I grew older, I learned that I needn’t  be afraid of my dreams, and that if they did start to go in a direction I did not like, I needed to simply remember, that I was dreaming, and make them go the way I wished.

However, something really weird started happening in my 20’s.  It could have been happening my whole life, but it wasn’t till then that I actually started to pay attention.

I would have “sleep paralysis.” Or, what I like to consider, OBE’s.  (Out of body experiences)

I would “be asleep” yet awake, but could not move.  There would be a sort of humming, high pitch buzzing noise and there was always a feeling of suffocation, and panic would set in. It was like I was in my body, but not.  Sometimes I can remember being sort of outside myself, looking about the room, yet not being able to move or breathe.  Or “wake up” fully.

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I hate these experiences.  I have tried over the years to remind myself that when they do happen, that I just need to be calm, and try to breathe.  (I don’t know if I’m not breathing when this shit happens, soooo, I can’t say if I am or if I am not.) Trying to pull myself out of one of these OBE’s is a pain, because it’s as if the sleep is so deep, that as soon as I feel myself lifting out of it, it’s not uncommon for it to happen again a few seconds later.

I’m not sure what the deal is with this.  If there is a physical thing going on, like am I laying in a position that could obstruct my breathing?. . . a metaphysical thing, such as my soul leaving my body to go on fantastic adventures and I just so happen catch the entering or exiting part? . . . Or if Tall Greys are trying to abduct me.  (God I sooo hope it’s not the Greys.)

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Which brings me to the dream I had Sat night.

I was with my on and off again boyfriend, and I had fallen from a height that was enough to kill me.  I was laying there dying.  Like actually dying, because I could feel myself “leaving” my body.  It was like every cell in my body recognized what was going on and was preparing to let me go and expire.  I was thinking to myself that I wasn’t ready, and how the reality of death was so final.  I don’t know how to articulate the feeling that was going on in me, but it was like I knew, there was nothing after this life.  That this was it.  The end.  No heaven or hell, no limbo. . Just, nothing.  That once I “let” go I would cease to exist.  It was this feeling that was scaring the crap out of me, so I was trying my hardest to not, well. Die.

My OAOABF (who for easier purposes will be referred to as P) was holding me and telling me that it was ok.  That it was ok for me to let go.  That it will be ok.

But every ounce of my being was freaking out over ceasing to exist.

I finally let myself go, and floated away into nothing.  Though I wasn’t happy about it, and I tried telling P to come and find me.

Now I have several theories as to the explanation of this dream.

  1. It could have been an OBE.  Because the feeling of “dying” felt somewhat similar to the “floating” and “heaviness” of those occurrences.
  2. Cell memory.  This could have been a remembrance of a past life that P and I had shared, and I just happened to remember dying in that life.  Which could be why it felt so incredibly real and couldn’t control it per se…(as in Lucidly)  If this is the case, then I have to say, that the fact that we are together again in this life, does not mean their actually is some sort of “finality” to life.  Maybe a finality to the individuals we once lived as.
  3. My subconscious trying to tell me something about that relationship.  I don’t like to get into specifics, but there was/is a lot of hurt there.  A lot of trust issues and lies. Perhaps it could be that the dream was telling me that I just need to let all that hurt go.  I don’t need to be so guarded.  A symbolic version of that “Kaycee” dying. Perhaps my true self urging me to let go of what is not serving me.
  4. My subconscious could also be telling me that I am in some sort of transitional phase of my life (pssh. . when ain’t I?) That I am becoming more enlightened or spiritual.  (which is the goal for this year, and truth be told, I have been feeling way more spiritually aligned than I have in years.)  In the dream dictionary it states: “Dreams of experiencing your own death mean big changes are ahead for you.  You are moving onto new beginnings and leaving the past behind you.  These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events.  Metaphorically, dying can be seen as a termination to your old ways and habits.”
  5. To tie in with possibility #3, the dream dictionary goes on to say: “On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy destructive behaviors”

I like to believe that it is a combination of all of the above to some degree.  More so the cell memory theory. Because I do believe that P and I shared a life together before as brother and sister.  (That was another dream) and perhaps there is some karmic ties to one another.  Lessons that need to be learned that we agreed upon before hand.

I mean, giving the circumstances of that relationship, it all would make perfect sense.

Even if there is no such thing as cell memory and reincarnation.  The symbolism of “letting go” of all the pain and mistrust from that part of the relationship. . . letting go of what does not serve me.  Staying on a path of spiritual enlightenment.

I think what was most frightening to me about this dream was that feeling of nothingness once we expire our last breaths.  It would seem all for naught in a way, I feel.  That our lives are a waste.

But that is for a whole other topic.

Dream I had New Year’s Eve Night

I was back in the area where my ex husband grew up.  It’s a rural area of western PA, and I was driving back to the town of New Bethlehem.  Except I was on a bike. As in bicycle.  (which on those hilly roads is no easy feat.) I remember I wanted to go down a specific road because I knew it would take me the most direct way into town.  I know someone was with me, but who I am not sure.  So we are riding these hilly roads, and we come upon a man, upon a man leading a line of birds.  There had to be at least 3 or 4 different birds, one of each.  I can remember there being like a swan, and at the very end of the line was a black duck.  Since he was taking up the road with his birds, and we were stuck behind him, I kept looking for opportunities to sort of cut around him.  I remember feeling very annoyed that this guy was somehow keeping pace with me, and not letting us really get ahead of him.  I also remember telling whoever I was with to keep their eyes open for turkeys, for the area was filled with them.  (This I think is because I actually did see a turkey hanging out in someone’s driveway while driving the one day.)

 

I see an opportunity to cut ahead of the bird man, and we go a bit  further down the road, when I see a man coming out of his house, carrying a big cardboard cheese cut out, with a hole in it, like where you could stick your head through.  I stopped and asked him if we could take our picture with it.  At first he wanted to know why, so I told him because it was a cool cardboard cut out.  Then he said maybe for $1, to which I just scoffed got back on my bike and continued on my way.

At some point I reach to be what appears to be a school and I ride my bike inside the auditorium.  In a room off to the side, I see that the bird man is there. I can hear him telling the black duck, that even though it was slower than the rest of t he group, the group would always be waiting for him somewhere.  That they would never abandon their friend.

The bird man also had another fellow with him, who seemed to be resting and trying to catch his breath.  The bird man turned to his pal and  said something along the lines of “hard to not get attached to them.” Where upon the other man, seemed to get a bit emotional and agreed.

At this point I tried to go through into  the next room and was trying to shove my bike through a door, when I saw a teacher that I had worked with at my old gig at another school.  Wanting to confirm if this indeed was the man, I walked back into the auditorium.  He had disappeared,   and instead there was kid standing there that I just assumed was the teacher’s son.  (he kinda looked like the guy.) So I asked where his dad was from, and the kid told me Canada.  (not true) I then asked if he had worked in the city I had worked at, and the kid told me yes, that the teacher’s name was Mr. Rachenbaucher.  (also not true)

 

Now up till this point I would have been looking into what all this shit symbolizes and if my subconscious is truly trying to tell me something.  However, it all goes out the door after this next part, partly because the next bit makes me not care about the 1st bit.

 

All of a sudden people show up, and my mom is standing there saying something to me.  I turn around and I see my ex husband walk in.  He stands there just smiling at me.  There is a radiance about him, and he looks happy. .. . and like he just got a haircut.  He then flips me off, but never stops smiling.  I can see the mischievousness in his eyes. 

 

I start to move towards him and as I do so, each step closer I get to him, I see that he has aged, and is aging into an old man.  But the smile never waned from his face.  Even as he is aging, there is such a beauty that radiates from him.  I sense that this is my one time to tell him what I have been wanting to tell him since he left this world, and I take his face into my hands.  I tell him that I missed him.  He tells me that he misses me too. . . .

            As he says these words. . .I wake up. . .Immediately.  Full wide on, wide awakeness.

 

A sense of peace about the whole situation has been with me since that dream.  I truly feel that he did visit me.  My soul honest to the universe feels that it was really him.

I like to think he is with me and at the same time out there.  In a metaphysical sense.  You know, being everywhere at once.

 

            I just want to know that he is ok now. 

For once, I finally feel like he is.