Nose to the Glue Gun

I taped my Burlesque pasties back on this past September.

I wouldn’t say I am in full on Foxy mode, as I have yet to incorporate the hoop back into new numbers, or perform older numbers.

Hooping is still quite cumbersome and trying.

The effort to actually….jump…even a few inches.. is akin to the feeling of twenty pound weights tied around ones ankles.

It doesn’t help my on going problem of balance and stability.

So sans hoop I have been going.

I will say though that my costuming has improved quite a bit.  Not to say that I had shitty costumes before, but the effort for me…on some things were a few ruffles sewn in here and there.

One of the biggest appeals of burlesque for me was all the glitter, sparkley, fluffy, shiny fun things one could wear.   (You basically can wear anything.  That old potato sack?  Couch cover?  Dining room curtains? Pot holders?  Just throw some glitter on it.  Good to go.)

I have become best friends with my glue gun.  (And pretty much burned the fingerprints off my fingers.)

For my Troupe’s Vegas show I put together two showgirl looks…..



Ok it’s hard to tell really and I didn’t get a good picture of me looking Vegasy…but you get the idea.  Definitely more bling going on.




I did a real cute number where I was trying to get this man to notice me while we were waiting for our bus to Vegas.  Coyly flirting at first, then as my subtle advances fell on uninterested eyes, I would punch it up a notch with more lascivious moves and then burying the mans face in my bosoms.  (The man kindly played by my fiance…as I don’t think he would have approved of me motor boating some other dude….and not that I would want to motorboat some other dude.)  I would post the video, but it was during this performance I had my very first pastie pop.   Took me a whole good five seconds to realize it as well.  So, there you go world.  You got some nipple from me.  Ehh whatever. I wasn’t that bent about it.

Our Halloween show, I took a more..bizarre road?

I definitely wanted to up the creep factor.  So this is what I came up with.




I’m not really sure how this one went over with the crowd.  Personally, I thought it was creepy.  I busted out my poi, which is something I hadn’t done in a loooooooong while.  And let me just say, spinning poi in a poofy crinoline skirt is not easy.

Overall I am pretty proud of this one.  I feel it’s pretty unique, to my local scene anyway.

You can see the video to that here: Foxy Moon Halloween

No pastie pop there, though I do have a moment to make sure everything is intact. 🙂


The last show I did for the year was a Heavy Metal Food drive for our local food bank.   Our troupe did a improve-ish group number.  I dressed as an elf and made the whole group reindeer pasties, because honestly….how could I not??  They were so F’n cute and fun.



Move over Rudolph.


There you have it.  Or there I have it.  My getting back into the waters of burlesque.  I’ve got some down time till next April, and I’ve got some more silly ideas.  I would like to get back to hooping.  I know that I could.  It just takes time and discipline.  Yet the whole ordeal with cancer has made me very flippant towards anything that requires “hard” work.  I mean, I just worked hard on beating a fucker of a disease and pretty much, oh you know, not dying.  I’m not really ready, nor want to do battle with learning how to hoop all over again.  But I know I will, because I can feel it calling to me.  I may never be the best hooper in the world.  Shit, I may not ever be a decent hooper again, but something inside me loves it to much to just walk away and be done with it for good.

I just don’t want to deal with that struggle right now.




I think the universe must be feeling pretty bad about shitting on me for the last ohh, what?  8 months?  For now, it seems everything is turning itself around.

*knocks on wood*

I saw my second opinion guy yesterday and did one more CT urogram, which showed nothing in my kidney.  My cytology report came back, and that also showed nothing.  No atypical cells, no cancerous cells.  Nothing.

So after all the rigamaroo, his final diagnosis was, They don’t know what the hell was going on, or why, but everything looks good NOW, and that’s that.

If symptoms come back, then to call him immediately.

Other than that, at this junture, the whole saga with my kidney is done and over with.  I’ll go back in 3 months for a follow up.

So good news for that.

It is so odd though, everything that surrounded it. Bleeding for almost 5-6 months straight, the other Dr seeing some shit up in there. . . talk of having to have to remove it.  I seriously feel that there was probably a poltergeist in my kidney, pulling small blonde haired children in through the Tv and possessing evil clown dolls.


(Side note, Carol Ann was NOT pulled in though the TV. . . but actually the closet of her bedroom.  The TV just acted as a transmitter between dimensions.  I just want to be clear about this.  In case anyone tries to call me out on this shit.  I know my Poltergeist.)

Another happening, is that my old job called me and asked me to come back.  You know, the ones who just let me go about what?  a week or two ago?  (I am so HORRIBLE with time.)

Seems the new people who came in and bought the business are phasing out the fabric end of the old company and need someone who knows their shit on the drapery hardware end.  (that would be me.)

Funny.  I was let go and told that they had wanted people in their customer service dept that were both knowlegable in both the fabric AND drapery hardware end of things. . . if they were planning on focusing on just the hardware, then why didn’t they just have me stay?

I should point out that the two girls they did let stay, are leaving.  So that is why they are probably scrambling to get me back in.


I was told that I would get more $$, some vacation and sick days and that I would be eligible for immediate health insurance.

So I am “thinking” about it.  “Thinking” because I want to make sure this is truly the right thing to do.  I often act impulsivley.  I mean, right now it’s about 99% that I will go back.  But you know.  Whatever.

So there you have it.  Health on the up and up, and Job, on the uhh, umm. . i dunno. . . Job is there. 

So I feel pretty good about things as of now.  I got a plan.  I haven’t had a “plan” in, umm, i don’t think ever.  I’ll more than likely go back to work, in spring register for school and start working towards my degree in Child Life.  Cause it’s time.  You know?

And in the mean time, I will contiue to work on my root.  I’m riding my bike more.  I plan on starting up yoga.  I want to pick up my poi and hoop more.  More Plays.  I am also entertaining learning to tap dance. . . cause I’ve always wanted to. 

Let’s just have FAITH (not hope, for hope is sooooo fickle) that this momentum willl keep on going

Positive Flow.

I went to jam last week, and I gotta say, it was probably the best jam I have been to all year.  Then again, I think I have only gone to one other jam this year and left cause it was buggy and I didn’t know a single face there.


However, my mood for the night was actually a good one.  I felt very “open” and “receptive” to whatever. . . I was my usual fun self, which was a nice change from the standoffish closed scrutinizing person I have been. ( I don’t like that person.)


The crowd was pretty much all of my old flow peeps, so I am sure that had something to do with it.  There were also a gaggle of younger girls with hoops kind of off to one end of the park, just kind of hanging, so a few of us “oldies” went and introduced ourselves and told them to just come over and flow with us.  The girls seemed a bit hesitant, and pretty much kept to themselves the whole night, but you know, I didn’t give a shit.

I didn’t get caught up in their insecurities and hang ups.

Which is something that I know I have been doing for way too long.  Getting hung up in insecurities and what not.



I got in some good flowness with my hoop, and even picked up the poi for a bit.  Something I haven’t done since I performed my poi number for the Burlesque show. . . loooong ago.  (when was that?  I can’t even remember.)


A friend of mine was trying to teach me some butterfly variations, but it just felt like I was going to whack myself in the face.  I def need to work on my planes, especially my left, because I have all kinds of wonkiness going on.  But I would like to get the Crystal cases for my flow lights.  (which I hardly ever use, because of not having said cases.) I am hoping that once I get off my duff to do so, then it will be a big motivator to poi more.


A friend of mine had also busted out his ninja poi (which we had gotten him for his birthday) and those are pretty bad ass.  I would like me some of those.



However, word on the street now, is that they have poi that can spell out words and pictures and so forth.

I even felt a slight itch to burn.  But due to fire restrictions, it didn’t happen that night and by the time night rolled around I was pretty tired and wanted to get home.

All and all if felt pretty good to be in a good flow state.  There was good peeps, good jams, and just goodness all around.


Yet I think to the key to all that, again, was keeping an open and positive state of mind.   I hate that I have been feeling so bogged down lately, pulled into stupid worries and trying to control everything.

From here on out I am starting to be more positive.  I am looking towards all the things I am grateful for, no matter how insignificant or mundane they may be.  Nothing in life should be taken for granted.




Snow Flow Re-cap

This year’s Snow Flow was fucking awesome.  Let me just start off with saying that.  They really brought it this year.  I mean, I can only complain about 2 things, and I will get to that later.

1st off, I just want to send out a big heap of gratitude to the organizers and supporters of Snow Flow 2012.  With out all their hard work and dedication, there would have been no way this would have gotten off the ground.  And they really stepped it up this year.

If you are reading this and wondering what the heck I am talking about, you can go to the website and check it out.

As I said on a previous blog somewhere, I really had a hard time narrowing down my choices of which classes I wanted to take.  I decided on Fire Eating, Wall Planes and Contact and Rolls.

Fire eating.

Let me just say that I love Jordan.  I have known her for the past few years, as we have done Hoop Path Louisville together in the past, and she was gracious enough the one year to open her home to some of us out of towners.  (And make us breakfast!) She is super Rad.  She was also the instructor for this class.

The reason I took this class is because I really wanted to get a handle on my fear of fire, especially when you are whizzing it around your face and head.  And what better way to do so then to stick it in your mouth right?

She started us off with some simple fire tricks such as Skin Burning.  This is where you drag the wick down your arm, so your arm is “on fire” for a few seconds, and then you use a downward motion to “wipe it out.”  As she explained it, it’s not your skin that is burning, it’s the fuel.  (Well, at 1st, I mean yeah, once the fuel burns off, then your skin could catch, that is if you haven’t already doused it out due to the heat of the fuel burning.) It took me maybe a few minutes to even think about dragging a lit stick of Kevlar soaked with camping fuel down my arm, but once I did . . . It was pretty cool.

She then moved on to quickly pinching the tip of a burning Kevlar wick and then pinching the tip of unlit Kevlar wick which would cause it to light up.  (Obviously that wick would need to have fuel on it 1st.)

We would also do this using our tongues.  A quick tap of a lit torch to our tongue and then an even quicker tap of an unlit wick which would then be ignited by the transfer of heat . . . all made possible by the tongue!

And of course, after all was said and done, she explained how to “eat” fire.  It’s simply keeping your head tilt back as far as possible, and to blow out as if you are sighing.  Once it’s in your mouth, you close your mouth around the wick to extinguish it.  Sounds pretty easy, till you realize you are sticking a fire stick in YOUR FACE!  But I did it.  And it was awesome!  Will I do it again?  Sure.  But not often, and not anytime soon.  🙂

Wall Planes.

No pun intended, this is where I hit a wall.  Oh boy.  A serious wall of frustration.  I mean, I tried to push through, but I don’t think I masked it very well.  It was me and a bunch of dudes (I won’t count the 12 yr old girl who never poi’d before, because I am sure she felt even more stupid than I did.) I personally felt like a dick.  I had thought this class would have been just basics of wall plane moves (butterflies and shit like that), that even a beginner like me could wrap my head around it.   It was a little more advanced than I had anticipated.  I mean, everyone was doing anti-spins and flowers for christ’s sake.  Even the youngest member of the class, some 8 yr old kid who was spinning all bad ass like.  The instructors, while very knowledgeable of what they were doing, kinda would pass me over when going over specific moves.  I am not sure if it was because I did not have the skill level and they were like fuck her?  Or if it was because I looked like I wanted to blow up my poi and run out of the room crying (and they were like Fuck her.)

Either way, I felt like I had just graduated from basic algebra and went straight into Trig.

It went over my head.  But I am glad I did it.  Because now it just makes me want to bug the poi dudes I am friends with even more. . . and I know they have more time to kill (and patience.) to show me what’s what. . .even when I want to murder my poi.

my attempt at "flowers"

How Flowers should look like- My friend Christian's "flower/Anti spin."

Contact Rolls and Tosses.

This class was so amazing.  It was taught by Caroleeena Mabry, and if you know who she is, then you know how totally kick ass she is.  She broke down a lot of the tosses and rolls you see.  The tosses I got. . .some of the rolls, I got.  However, chest and back rolls are still a mystery to me.

I can now roll the hoop on the back of my hand (which is fun) and I can also switch my hand out of the hoop and grab onto the outside of it to go into isolations.  (if that makes any sense) But this was such a fun class, because hoops were flying and Caroleeena has a rule that if your hoop goes flying off into someone else, you don’t say sorry.  Instead you make an animal sound.  So people were running all over making all kinds of noises and you couldn’t just help but love every minute of it.  I learned so much in this class.  We also worked on pizza tosses, which will be my new thing to work on and crack myself in the face with.

I hope she comes back to snow flow next year because I definitely want to take more from her.

I should also mention that she did this beautiful fire performance the 1st night we were there with a hoop that had a single fire wick on the inside of hoop.

(was something like this.)

The instructors also put on a little showcase for us Saturday evening, so you could see all the bad ass-ness that was there.  Such unbelievable talent.

The formal was a bit disappointing.  Gosh, I hate to say it, but it was.  I mean, for me, as much as I love the classes, I also love to get all dressed up and hoop. The highlight is the formal.

However, not this year.

2 things:

My hair was total shit. I knew I should have gone with the wig.  But I went ahead and let someone else wear it and they were all excited about how kick ass they looked in it.  (and they did. . .so good about that.) Try as I might to curl my own, the curls went limp in a matter of minutes.  And on top of all that I felt really fat and schlubby. I had been having some rough days before hand too with depression (something I have dealt with my whole life. . .that’s another blog) so while I was there, and enjoying each moment as best I could. . .there was a part of me that still felt listless and, well, sad.  Add on top the disappointment of stupid hair and feeling fat and schlubby, and it sort of intensified those depressive feelings.  I wanted to go to the formal and take pretty pretty pictures all dressed up with my hoop. . . but I didn’t want a camera anywhere near me. I know I went “dark” for a bit (meaning very introverted, quiet. . not saying much) but once we got to the formal and I did a shot, I was ok.  (though I did not want pictures taken of me.)

blech. stupid.

The second thing that was disappointing about the formal was the music.  It was depressing.  (which really, didn’t help my already somewhat depressing mood?) It was whiney girl music.  And while don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with whiney girl music. . . I just felt for a formal, there should have been more nnnnn-ttt-nnnnn-ttttt-nnnn-tttt- and booties shaking and people getting their grooves on!  Not people hooping to the tears of the wind or broken glass of love unrequited or whatever shit those broads were singing about.  I mean, come on!

We only stuck around for about an hour to take pictures in the strobe lights and then went back to the hotel to eat pizza, drink 40’s (cause we’re from Ohio and classy like that.) and yip yap till the wee hours of the morning.

And right there. . .that is another part of Snow Flow that I love so much.  Just being with my flow loves and just being able to hang out, connect and share beautiful moments together.  So much love and laughter that weekend.

I could go on and on about this weekend.

Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude.

Just Let your Snow Flow!

It’s been a pretty quiet year as far as Hooping and what not goes.  I have been trying to get back into the community, but am just overwhelmed and disappointed over the attitudes and behavior of people in the group.  So I haven’t been hitting up jams as much as I was this time last year.


Still the same old crap.  Ego.


Two weeks ago, I went to jam only to walk in and have all the noobs avert their eyes from me and ignore my hellos.  Like wtf? 


And it wasn’t so much the noobs.  But a group of hoopers who all hang out together who I shall dub the asswanks.  I know that’s not nice.  But whatever.


For me, Jam does not feel like the hub of commuinty it once was. It’s like everyone has their own agendas now.
whatever.  .




However, I am excited to say that the folks of Louisville are throwing their second annual Snow Flow festival 1st weekend in Feb.  I am pretty stoked because the line up of workshops look amazing and I want to take them all, but due to money constraints I am only doing 3.


It took me a damn near week to narrow my choices down.  It was a tough decision but I am doing Beginning Fire Eating, (here’s hoping i don’t burn my face off!) Wall Planes (which is a poi class) and Tosses and Contact Rolls (hoop)


Other contenders were Circus Tricks (which I think may be way to advanced for me. . .I’m sure contact rolls will be a bit challenging) Core Hooping, and Rhythmic Gymnastics with the Hoop. 


Since a lot of the classes seems to focus around finding your flow and incorporating dance into it, and since I feel i got that covered, might as well start pushing my boundaries and comfortable zones a bit. Which I think i did just that.

The best part of this whole weekend is the Snow Flow Formal which they hold Saturday night.  It’s sort of a Hooper’s Ball, where you get all dressed up and hoop the night away.

Sort of like Prom for hoopers. . .but trashier.  Cause Hoopers like to hoop in slutty shit. (well maybe slutty is a bit harsh. But less clothes makes for better hooping.  Just saying.)

And who doesn’t like to get all dressed up and let their inner persona out?




Another part of this weekend that I am looking forward to is just spending time with m’girls.  And I mean the ones I hold most dear to me.  It’s nice to just get away and do something a bit girly,even if there are a few boys intermittently spread about




So It should be good stuff.  And I really need a good weekend.  Life is kinda blah and pa-tooey at the moment. Lot’s of stuff going on with the boyfriend. . . yet again.

I was thinking about writing about that as well, but I don’t really feel like putting the energy into it.  Maybe I will one day.  Again, not like anyone reads this, so it doesn’t matter, but I suppose in a way it could be therapeutic for me.  As always, We shall see.