Wine Weekend, Stupid Boy and The Moment.

There has been some upheavals in my “romantical” life.  Not going to get into specifics on this side of things, but there has always been trust issues.  The fact that I have been feeling quite disconnected from my boyfriend, doesn’t help with the insecurities that overwhelm me from time to time.  What he says, and what he does are two totally different things it seems.  That and how it seems that he rarely is ever sympathetic or takes full responsibility for his actions. (and i am not over exaggerating, for others have pointed this out to me as well.)

We had a blow out last weekend which ended with me leaving (once again) and getting incredibly upset, to the point where I threw a bunch of stuff off his dresser.  It’s not behavior I’m proud of, but it happened, and well, what’s done is done.  Nothing broke. It was just a mess he had to clean up.  Not that that makes it any better.

Anyways, this weekend coming up I will be partaking in a Girl’s weekend.  A hoop friend will be coming up from Indiana, and we are all meeting in Jackson, MI for a wine tour. 

After all the drama and stress from my relationship (and general seasonal blase as well, oh, and topped with lingering sadness from my ex’s suicide) I am REALLY looking forward to this.


Yet there is still some lingering anxiety over this trip, which comes from the fact that anytime I plan an excursion with my friends, it comes under incredible scrutiny and judgement from the boyfriend(?)

It’s like he can’t just be happy for me or supportive. He can’t just be like “That sounds like fun and I will miss you!”

I know this “feeling” is all with in me.  I need to just be like Fuck you pal, but my “pleasing” nature and my not wanting to rock the boat demeanor keeps bubbling up, and I start to feel bad about wanting to, ohh, enjoy the things I enjoy.

So whatever.

I’m not going to let it get to me.  Instead, I am going to focus on time spent with incredible women, drinking wine, hooping it up and laughing my butt off.

And being in the moment.

Cause that’s what life should be all about.  Being in the moment, and not getting caught up in the insecurities.