Moving Right Along. . . with the Faeries.

Since the whole moving thing has been kind of weighing on me, due to monetary reasons (and the fact that who wants to lug all my shit in and out of windows and up and down stairs in the middle of winter)  I decided to call upon the faeries for their sage advice.

I used to consult the faeries quite a bit back when I was feeling oh so plucky about the ethereal world.  I still do feel a sense of the whimsy and believe in other worldy beings who might have more insight into the muck that we make of our lives.  After all, it’s easy to see what going on in the shit. . When you’re not surrounded by the shit.

Seeing how I should be trying to make more of an effort to tap into the more spiritual side of things, I dusted off my cards and decided to ask them their thoughts on the impending move.

Since I hadn’t used them in awhile, I felt it only best to give them a good cleaning, or smudging with some sage.

You would have thought I was burning catnip, for my cat, was going crazy.  Rubbing his face all over the cloth, swatting at the cards, rolling over on his back and stretching out his little legs. (I swear I could mash that cat up into a thousand pieces because of how cute he is.)

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I sat with intention in my heart and threw the question out to the universe and to the Faeries.

Should I be moving??

What else should I be knowing??

Here is what they told me.

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(I’ve broken it down by the significance of placement for each card)

1.)Present Influences– (The heart of the matter)

   Higher Consciousness (Inverted) (Any card that is inverted just means that the area is blocked.)

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2.) Present Environment or Opposing Factor/Factor for Change

Honoring your True Feelings.

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Obviously, we all know this.  I’ve jib jabbed about it quite a bit lately.  My spiritual flow is stifled.  I am not connected with the powers that be. . . or I should say, I am not picking up the phone as much as I used to.  I’m working on it though.  Trying to pause for reflection through out the day.  Trying to be as gracious as I can.  Meditating on my root.  I was starting to feel like my root was good. . .maybe no?  Or possibly, I just need to trust the universe and my path more.

Deep down inside I know what it is I need to do, so I just need to do it.

3.) Past Events/Root Cause (the reason why things are the way they are)

Make Music

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4.) Past Influences

Awakening Your True Self

past influe

I have no fucking clue what is trying to be said here.  Unless it’s referring to my sudden interest in Death/Black Metal. . . .I mean, shit, that shit will wake you right up.  Is my true self really a Norse demon god?  Is this what I am suppose to be awakening?  *sigh* I guess I’ll go find some Lake to live in. . . like I don’t already have enough self image issues.  Thanks a fucking lot Faeries.

finnishlaketroll

5.) Future Events/Attitudes & Beliefs/Goals/Potentials

Romantic Partner

Future events

6.)Future Influences

Body Movement

Future influences

 

I totally get this.  While this move has been on my mind, the fact that I am ready to settle down and be in a HEALTHY relationship has been with me far longer.  I really am wanting that whole aspect of being with someone who encourages you to grow and vice versa.  The whole just, I dunno, being in love with someone.  And them loving me back.  Accepting each other and just being wholly and completely open with each other.  *SIGH* Corny as it sounds, but I want to be someone’s “girl” again.

There has been so much strife in this area of my life over the past year and some change, that I would like to see a significant change happen.  I would like there to be a place of calm.  Trust.  I don’t like going into details so much so about this area of my life. . . but I see potential.  At least I hope there is the potential there.

Now while I am sure the body movement card signifies much more than just getting down and dirty with my partner. . . I have come to a major realization that I am a pretty sexual being.  It’s part of who I am, and I shouldn’t feel bad about it in the least bit.  I’m not saying I’m gonna go out and slut it up, however when I am with someone. . . I like to get it on with that someone.  Frequently.

I think too that I really need to get myself back in shape.  Not that I am so out of shape, but I just feel sluggish.  Again, hooping more, starting up Yoga. . staying active.  Got it.

7.) Environment

Peace Of Mind

environment

 

Other than this move and monies, I gotta say I feel like I am in a good place.  I feel good about life and shit. . . That feeling of “All is and will be ok” seems to be prevailing.  Even when I forget after a day of fuckery at work.

8.) Strengths

Inner Power

strengths

 

Yeah.  I’m a Fighter.  Even though at times it feels exhausting.   But who has come into this world that is not a fighter?  If you’re still here of your own cognition , and you push through to face another day (even when it takes every ounce of your being) you’re a fighter.  Embrace it.

I think that this is also telling me that if I stick with my desire to move, and if the road to do so seems rough or indurated, I, like He-Man, have the power to get through it.  I’ve been through worse.

9.) Hopes and Fears (inverted)

 Happily Ever After

hopes and fears

Yes, my view of my future can be a bit bleak or pessimistic. . . or not there at all.  I mean, I can’t say what I’ll be doing tomorrow yet alone 5 years from now.  Can’t even say where I will be.  So I don’t really make long term life goals.  I know I hope that life will go on as smoothly as possible. . .but this is life, and well, that shit ain’t gonna happen.  I mean, what do you want me to tell you faeries?  I’m a realist.

Ok, so maybe as far as this move in concerned I need to not be so pessimistic about what COULD happen, and what COULD be a pain in the ass.

10.) Final Outcome

Miracle Healing

Final OUtcome

I’m thinking that by staying on a path of acceptance, openness, listening to my gut more and rolling with the punches I’ll end up in a much better place than where I started.  I know the Universe is not “out to get me” and if there is anyone I want to be mad at and point fingers at, It should be me.

Now how all this verifies if I should move or not??  I have no fucking clue.  Well, let me change that.  I have more of a push in a direction.  I feel like I should.  I feel like it will be good.  I feel like I can trust this feeling. . . (as fleeting as feelings are)  Then again, I don’t think it really matters WHERE I am residing.  As long as a I take care of me. . .I’ll be good where ever I end up.

Now to find some boxes.

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You’ve Got to be Kid-ney-ing Me!

(“Hi! I’m your kidney!” However I doubt mine looks so cute and cuddly)

Tomorrow I go for a kidney probe.

I’m not sure if I have talked much about what has been going on that has lead up to said probe, so here is the break down.

Around the month of March? I noticed that i was peeing blood.  (sexy eh?)  and not just a little bit. . . like a lot, and every time i went to the bathroom.  I had thought at first it was my period and that was why things were so, um, dark.  (sorry to be graphic, but it is what it is.)

Anyways, it took me a while to realize that it was not indeed “lady” goings ons.

I mentioned it to my mom, who told me to call my primary care doctor right away.  It was probably a UTI or Kidney infection.  So I did, and he prescribed me a round of antibiotics.  That didn’t work.  So he then had me go in for blood work and a urinalysis.   Neither of those suggested anything out of the ordinary.  He ordered a IVP, which is where they inject you with a radioactive isotope and then take x rays to check the flow of the urinary system, to make sure nothing is blocked. That came back negative.  It was then that I was referred to a Urologist.

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(not my junk.)

From there I did more blood work, urinalysis, another round of stronger antibiotics and nothing.  Nothing was pointing to a cause.

I then had an ultrasound which showed nothing.
Not even any kind of alien embryos which might have been implanted unbeknownst to me.

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(wtf???  Not again!)

My urologist then performed a cystoscopy.  That’s where they stick a camera up your piss hole and take a look around your bladder.  NOT FUN AT ALL.

The brochure he gave me about the procedure said that your doctor may numb you a little before inserting the probe.  Not mine. He was all like full steam ahead!

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(see the relaxed face on the patient?  LIE.  It was more like a total look of I think a Candiru fish just swam up my piss hole.  Sheer horror.)

My bladder looked fine, however it was here that we discovered that blood was coming from my left kidney.

So he decided to send me for an Angio-Cat scan.  He was thinking that I might have what is called an AVM, where a bundle of blood vessels get tangled up.  (think of Gorbachev’s birth mark.  It would look like that, but INSIDE my kidney…  with out the Iron Curtain.)

He felt this was the possibility of what was going on, because of my age, and with every other test coming back negative for any types of tumors or cysts, this HAD to be what was going on.

I had the Angio- CAT scan, where again, i was injected with contrast and was bombarded by more electromagnetic energy.

(let me just say, that that was some weird ass shit.  Talk about feeling like i just pissed myself when the dye was in injected and traveled through my blood stream.  The technician was right when he told me it would feel like i just wet myself. . . and here I thought he was just coming on to me.  :P)

Those results came back negative for any kind of AVM and to as to anything that would suggest why I could be bleeding from the kidney.

So now, we have to go inside the kidney to look around.  The procedure calls for them to knock me out, which i am not to thrilled about (not that I would want to be awake during it anyways) but given my past with all the hospitalizations I have gone through, Its just not getting any easier for me.  I mean, I should be a pro by now.  But the thought of having to go through all the hassle and rigamaroo and so on and so forth. . . It’s just not fun.  (when is it ever?)  I have a hard time with anesthesia.  I get incredibly sick and have such a hard time waking up.

So there is where I am.  This whole thing is starting to take a toll on me.  I am so incredibly tired like all the time.  I don’t even want to think about picking up my hoop. (and I really need to with that show coming up next month.) I mean, I get winded and out of breath when I bend over, and you can forget about walking up stairs.  I have to take moment and just breathe for a bit.

I hope they find out what the F is going on.  I don’t think it’s anything like cancer. . . I hope not.  I mean, I am too young for that to happen in that area.  But I can’t think of what else could be causing this.  I’ve looked online and though I have come across articles of gross hematuria occurring, it usually goes away after awhile.  Mine hasn’t gone anywhere.  Not even out to the store for a pack of cigarettes and a carton of milk.  (and doesn’t even suggest lightening up.) All I can come up with is a pocket of infection somewhere that is irritating something. . . and if that’s the case then I am gonna be pretty pissed that they just didn’t keep me on antibiotics longer instead of making me go through probe after probe.

I’d rather deal with Tall Grey’s probing me than this shit.  Er, well, maybe not.

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House Core.

Hoop Path is coming to my area end of march.

Boo for me that I can only attend one day of it, seeing as my play opens that weekend.

But one day is better than none.

Really looking forward to “Open Air”

That’s all I really got for now.

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Foot Hoop

I’ve been working on hooping around my foot.  What I will do is just go home, lay on the floor and see how long I can keep the hoop going around my foot before it comes crashing down into my face.

 

Fun stuff.

 

It was something I started awhile ago, and thought i should refine. . because you never know when you will need to hoop something around the arch of your foot. 

😛

 

That and there is not much room in my place to do any off body stuff.

 

I gotta say that it actually feels pretty good, because of the stretching the leg out business, and I need all the help I can get with flexibility in my legs. (seeing as the majority of my bone problems are centralized in that area.)

 

I was finally able to give my hoop “guts” over to a friend who said he would build the rest of my LED hoop.  It’s nothing fancy, but the colors are pretty (pink, green, blue and ultra violet) and i myself soldered all them little LED’s on the strand myself.  Go me.  Hopefully he can have it finished in time for Snow Flow which is next weekend. 

 

I also am starting to bring my hoop back into work with me for 10 minute workouts during my break. 

This year, I wanna be hoop awesome, and I don’t just mean in my abilities, but just awesome in my hoop and life in general. 

 

 

 

 

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