Pop Up Cont. . . .

Worked on the pop up last night and I have to say I think I got it. . . well
not entirely. I have’t gotten to the pop up part. . . but I did manage to duck and swing.

I felt pretty good about that.

Go me!
will work on the pop up.

also today while on break I was able to shimmy the hoop all the way up from my knees to my hands extended over my head. THAT was pretty sweet. I am gonna work on refining that more so it looks svelt and suave.
I will try and get some video of that.

feeling pretty excited about my hooping!!!

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Pop Up.

Gonna work on this.  See how it goes.  Concept of swinging the hoop over me while bent over has always been lost.

Will give it a week of focus.

http://youtu.be/SJHKZJxvawc

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

Last night I decided to give our weekly flow meet up a go. I’ve been really put off lately due to the type of people that have been attending. I am sure they are all good people in their own way, but because of the sense of community I had once felt so strongly in the beginning , jam, for me, now feels somewhat tainted and unappreciated by the newbies coming in. I have found that I have a low tolerance for most of them in this medium.

You see, in the beginning, I would welcome every newbie with a hello and smile. Then we might become friends on Facebook. But then I started to find that the newbies wouldn’t talk to me after that, so what would be the point of being friends on a social network, if we weren’t going to be social in the real world? I deleted a lot of people. And it began to piss me off. How can you send me a friend request, yet ignore me week after week at jam?

 I learned that just because someone has a hoop, does not automatically make us friends.

It also seems that this new batch coming in, while rather young and impressionable, are in it because it’s the cool new thing to do and be. That doesn’t gel with my ideals and ethos. I can’t relate. I dare say there is an age gap. I try and remember how I was when I was that age, but I was never the one to really “follow along” looking for the next hip thing.

I feel as though, when I say all this, that I am passing judgment on all these people. It shouldn’t really matter to me why people do what they do or the reasons behind what they do. I don’t like that I think that way. I try to be the most open person there is, taking those reasons and looking for understanding. Not judgment.

Perhaps I am letting the fact that they don’t speak to me in person (or even on a social website) to influence and inflate my opinion of what I really think is going on.

 See. . . . Perception.

 But going back to what I had originally wanted to yap about. An old friend of mine had decided to come to jam last night (after a many month hiatus,) whom I had a falling out with. I considered her my guru, my teacher, my kindred soul. I don’t normally gel with women as well I as I had with her. Truth be told, i was elated and refreshed that I was able to find someone to pal around with and just be a “girl” with.   Most of my closest friends are males, so this was a friendship I held dear to my heart.  I felt accepted as a woman, by a woman.  We laughed, we gossiped, we danced, we cried, we dressed up, encouraged and accepted one another.  These type of female relationships for me, are so far few and inbetween. 

 

I won’t get into why we had our falling out. (At least not now.) But, I can say that for the past few months I had been feeling very, very, very conflicted about it. I was very hurt, bitter, resentful and angry. Even though I have dealt with all that, those feelings still seep to the surface from time to time. Part of the problem with this “friendship” is that I am really having a hard time dealing with the loss. . .and whether or not I want to deal with the pain of letting her back in. I am a pretty forgiving person, easily letting people back in time and time again. It really takes a lot for me to shut the door to someone, and walk away.

Perhaps of the closeness I had with this person and how I trusted that nothing would permeate the relationship to break us apart is why it is what was so hard to deal with. We were supposed to be true “sisters” through and through. Holding the same views and values in regards to what it meant to be true real adult friends as women. We weren’t in Jr High, so petty differences and insecurities shouldn’t have gotten in the way of us being true and standing up for one another. I felt she didn’t hold up to her part of the bargain.

*sigh*

Long story short, she had apologized and admitted that she was wrong and what an asshole she was. Had she come to me and said all this a few months ago, I would have agreed whole heartedly. . . and would have pushed all the issues in her face.  Now, I just don’t care that much. I mean yeah. She was wrong. But I don’t care to put any more energy into it. I have spent so much time being angry and hurt. . . I’m too tired. I have nothing left to put into that relationship. There is just emptiness.

I told her flat out I didn’t know what to say or how to even feel. So we spent the night chit chatting and making small talk, and what I like to call “making nice.” And left it that while we don’t have to be friends, she would still like to know me.

Part of me would love nothing more than to welcome her back. But a bigger part of me is weary and closed off. It’s not like I have never ended a friendship with a gal pal before. I don’t know why this has to be so difficult. I guess maybe the older you get, the more tired you get of playing games.

And as women, we should be sticking together. Not looking at each other as enemies.

I don’t think that is such an unrealistic expectation.

On another note, got in good flow time. Was really feeling myself connecting with the hoop as far as movement goes. I do at times feel a bit repetitive, so I think it’s time I look for some new moves to add and challenge myself with.

So that will be my next goal.

State of Flow.

I haven’t been feeling like posting.  It’s not like anyone reads this, so it’s not like I have to worry about anyone getting pissy that they haven’t been able to read whatever words jumble out of my mouth.   

          I haven’t been doing too much hooping.  I did get in a good session maybe last Sunday morning, but that was about it.  I wouldn’t say it was great “flow” time, but It was good for what it was worth.

          I had posed the question on my local flow group’s Facebook page, of how people came to find flow, what inspired them to flow, etc.

          Some people responded with such honesty and beauty that every word resignated with in me screaming out a heartfelt YES! 

I thought I would share one of them here, since I couldn’t agree more.

“I flow for many of the same reasons already listed. It feels good. Its my freedom. Its my escape. Its my way to connect. And its so much more than that. Among them all, I think the most important to me is finding a way to trigger the flowstate voluntarily. How many of us have been using our respective props and all of a sudden, you were no longer bound to earth? Like everything else just disappears and motion comes without thinking, its more like reactions that thought provoked sequences. You trance out and you actually are allowed to interact with something thats bigger than you. What that is, I don’t know, but in the flowstate I know that there is SOMETHING there that allows me to become connected in a way I cant do without being in that state of being.

 

I flow because I was meant to. I don’t know how long the “I” that inhabits this husk of flesh has been around, but sometimes I feel that this has been apart of me long before I ever picked up any prop. Flowing feels right and it opens me up. Its a love that exists outside the bounds of words…that only those who share the passion can truly understand with a mere glance at each other. And everyone who has read through this lengthy wall text of mine I think will be inclined to agree. :D”

I am inclined to agree.

I used to be a pretty spiritual person.  I’ve lost it here and there. More so lost lately. 

Flow, and space with in the hoop, helped me get some of it back.  But I can still feel bitterness towards the whys and the how’s of my current state of life.  I like to think that I am practical in my beliefs, and I don’t believe that I am owed in any way, yet there is such a sour taste of disappointment.  I think partly that may have had to do with me getting caught up in the hype of wishful thinking, and the impracticality of it.

Which is why I am so bent on getting back to basics.  To going back to what I know to be true. And this truth is mine alone.  No one elses.

The hoop had helped me to get there for awhile.  There were no illusions.  It was me tapping into an energy that has been a part of me way before I ever existed in this body.  It was me tapping into my very essence.  I felt stronger, more confident.  I knew my direction and I went there with out hesitation (well there was some, but I wasn’t dragging my feet as much.)

And it brought me closer to people.  Closer than I had ever been in my life.  It surrounded me with a network of people who felt the same way. 

I had never had that before.  I finally felt as if I were “home”.

 

But shit changes.  Life changes.  People Change.  I changed.  Change is inevitable.

What can you do but learn to adapt and “flow” with it?

Atomic.

Last night our local flow group hosted an event for Astral Hoops.
Let me just say. . . The Atmoic Hoop. . .Is amazing. You don’t even have to have hoop skill. This hoop will make you look good. 90 different settings. Holy crap. I believe the one I tested out was 36”, which I thought would be too small, but it felt great. The weight was good and the grip was nice too. Normally I don’t like an “untapped” hoop. . . But they sanded down the inside real nice.

I want one, however, the price tag is a bit much. So maybe one day.

http://www.astralhoops.com/

(bad assness!)

I got some good moments of flow the other night as well. I think it all has to do with declaring my ballet shoes as my new “flow soles”. I’m glad I pulled those suckers out. I get good traction. As silly as that is. But hey, whatever helps I suppose.

When I rolled up to the park, I was met with a serious case of anxiety and just wanted to drive back home. I’m just not digging the new breed that is coming in. . . and I try to be nice. I smile. I am friendly. I make small talk. Bllleeeech. I hate small talk.

Anyways, after about being there for a half hour I finally got into a good zone and hooped that shit up. It wasn’t so much that I was doing anything in particular, just feeling the flow of the music and dancing with my hoop. It was good.

That’s all I got.